Your Attitude is Welcome Welcome.

Again, ages since I've touched this blog. Whatever.

I've almost come to the point where I would just rather keep everything in my head than post it here and/or my other blog, as I don't seem to trust my friends like I once did. I can't seem to say anything without being made fun of or trolled. Hell I probably won't even actually post this link to Facebook.

Whatever. Moving on.

You ever have someone whom which you held in high regard (possibly too high of a regard?) in a conversation say something that just.....burns? And I don't mean the typical dig or insult, I mean as if you were talking about something very important and that you haven't talked to anyone else about and they drop some sort of bomb on you? Or they try to tell you that what you said was a lie?

A couple months ago, I had that occur. I unfortunately cannot get into detail about it, but one of the final lines from the other party pretty much shattered my heart. I mean, who the fuck are they to question what the fuck my actual intentions were, or what the fuck I actually meant?

It just.....burns. I don't open up that much to too many people (and rightfully so, if my previous experiences with people is anything to go by), so for someone like that to say that they said just pretty much fucking murdered me inside. I'm sure I'll get over it, but fuck it won't be easy.

Again, whatever. Just something echoing in my head for awhile I guess.

The other thing that seems to piss in my Cheerios, is when someone question how much effort you actually put into something.

This also was said a couple months ago, but fuck me it just won't go away.

Let's face it, I'm physically (and mentally) beat up. I'm wearing a wrist brace because of a tear, and have premature arthritis in both wrists. I've already had one knee fixed, my lower back is in a constant state of pain, and more and more frequently my ankle is just......fucked. So when I push myself as hard as I do, even though my body won't really let me, and someone says "oh well he just shows up to have fun, he doesn't really try THAT hard" that just irks the fuck out of me. I should've just said something right there on the spot, but if I recall correctly, we were at a party, and it would've been insanely rude to cause a scene.

I know I'm falling the fuck apart, but shit, the day I "don't try" is the day you can put me in the fucking ground.

I just don't know anymore. Something has got to give, right? My fucking head is beginning to hurt.

A Diamond in the Rough....A Boy and His Car Part Deux.

I slowly made my way down the hill and to the barn where she's been sitting. I gently removed her cover, making sure not to catch it on the mirror or any of the trim....

...And there she was. The small bit of light shining into the barn caught the British Racing Green surface of her rear quarter, amplifying the beauty of her curves. Another bit of light shone down upon the rust taking residence upon the cowl.

She almost lived tonight. We are so close to her resuscitation. For 20 seconds, she proved she deserves a second chance, something the previous two owners failed to realize.

But she isn't theirs anymore, she's all mine.

The night and dark finally took over, and I had to cover her back up. I will return here, I will make this work. She will roar to life, and we will terrorize the streets together.

She's not perfect. But then again neither am I. That, is what makes it work. My diamond in the rough, my Datsun Z.

A Moment In Passing....A Boy and His Car.

I walked out of the garage, and our eyes met. She had been sitting there all week, watching galavant around town with her, and I could feel the jealousy and the sense of neglect. I slowly approached her, apologizing for the lack of time we've spent together recently, and gently opened her up.

I slid inside slowly, inserted the key, and turned it.

She cranked, sputtered, then rumbled to life. I had missed her honestly, but recent events had necessitated her sitting alone for awhile.

I watched her warm up, then slowly moved her to the intersection. The light turned green and we carried on through town. I waited till no one was around, and finally put my foot down. There it was. The roar, the spool, and acceleration. Euphoric. I remembered why when I first laid eyes on her I HAD to have her.

We continued through downtown, if only so I could listen to her amazing rumble reverberate off of all the old brick buildings....The sound....it never gets old.

Finally, I had to bring her back. I hope she understands that it isn't by choice the other one is around, but out of necessity. I park, shut her down and remove the key, slide out and gently close the door. I run my hand gently down her rear quarter, admiring her lines, then turn and walk away. She and I both knew I'd be back, regardless of how long it took me.

Yeah, she's fuckin awesome. I can't wait for the next ride, and neither can she.

You're Biting Your Own Fucking Neck.

Wow. Its been awhile. No time for bullshit, so lets dive right into the cesspool.

People please, stop telling other people things over and over, when in reality you are telling them to yourself. I understand people disagree with you and that shakes your confidence in your decision, but going on and on about it just shows how little confidence you have in yourself. Someone disagreed with you, we get it. You apparently were never 100% on it in the first place if you have to keep discussing it.

Make your fucking bed, and take a god damned nap in it.

People please, stop using other people as your safety net when your fucking joke of a love life crumbles to ashes every 6 months to a year. You want nothing to do with us when you have a man/woman in your life, but the second you get bored with them and walk away from it, you're right the fuck back like you were never a ghost.

Actually while we're on that subject.....

When someone in the group FINALLY calls you out on your bullshit ghosting habits, don't take to Facebook and try to pawn it off as the person wanting your world to revolve around them. You're lying to your own immature delusional ass, as well as trying to bullshit everyone who reads your status into pitying you. Just because you can't see the brick wall you keep running into doesn't mean it isn't there. Don't be pissed when someone points out the obstacles you can't bring yourself to fucking deal with. I assure you, you have done nothing important enough that has affected me in a way where I would put you at the center of my world.....and frankly I don't think my attention span (comparable to a crack head's) would allow me to focus on you for too long anyway.

What else?

Oh yeah. People please stop lighting London on fire. Its not going to solve anything, and I happen to like London. Alot.

Furthermore....

You're, your.....There, Their, Theyre.....Were, We're. Please learn the difference. Oh and stop using apostrophe S to pluralize EVERYTHING. Sheesh.

Finally....

I'm not perfect. If the people read this that it is directed at, don't respond to it with the classic "Oh who is he to fucking talk? Like he's so perfect, he's this, he's that, he's done this and that, he has this and that issue", because I am well the fuck aware I am a walking ball of chaos/ignorance/stubbornness/fuckery. I never claimed to be perfect. People constantly call me out on some of my fuck ups, so I'm just passing it on to try and help others. Seriously. I know its hard to believe, but I really am trying to help. I know its probably not the best way, but you won't listen or respond to any other way.

Oh and I bet a psychologist would have a fucking FIELD DAY with me and what goes on in my cavernous cranium.

Am I....

It could be...

It comes and it goes….The rage, the anger, the despair….I only seek to control it, and it seems to be the fire that lights my way….Do I ask for help, or let it grab the wheel?

A Flat Four, A Rotary, Short People, and Racing. PART 1!!!

What a weekend.

But first, a quick apology for letting this sit dormant for so long. I'm sorry.

Moving on.

So a couple weeks back a friend of mine I hadn't heard from in quite some time called me up, if only to TELL ME (no, not ask lol) that I would be accompanying him and his girlfriend down to PA to attend NICOfest again.

To be honest, even though I had an absolute blast the last time I went, I hadn't even thought about returning, never mind the fact that I am about a year removed from even owning a Nissan. Yes I have a Datsun, but whatever. So after some pondering, I said fuck it, why not.

The only thing that scared me a bit, is/was that the WRX is catless without a tune. At 150K, no tune and some track abuse can be....lets say....not healthy.

Another fun thing was that this would mean I would have to meet Jim's (the aforementioned friend who called me) new GF, and given my....erm....sense of humor, would be interesting.

Finally, the day arrived. Friday the 13th! DUN DUN DUN. I made sure as to load up some tools and spare automotive fluids just in case shit happened, as sometimes shit happens lol I made it to Jim and Jenn's abode in 2.5 hours, which isn't bad for a jaunt from NH to CT.

So I'll spare the boring details, but it was good to meet Jenn yadda yadda yadda, 8 hour drive blah blah blah.

So finally we arrive in PA. Giggity. We check in the hotel, park the cars, and unload that which is necessary to be unloaded. I know, I'm awesome with details. Moving on. So as comes with being human, and travelling long distances, WE WERE FUCKING HUNGRY. ROAR. Luckily for us (me!), there is a TGI FRIDAY'S!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

So we go in, and take a seat in a booth in the lounge, because honestly, where else is fun to sit at a TGI Fridays? So we eat, I converse with various members of the waitstaff, and we get on with our lives. Then comes the hard part....

....Allocating alcohol. Oh Shit.

PA laws don't allow beer store to sell hard liquor. We wanted Liquor. Liquor store was closed. Lamesauce.

So we decided we might as well just go to the Hardware Bar at the hotel, as we had a freakin blast the last time Jim and I were down there. So off we went...La dee freakin da.

Apparently, this was douchebag and farm animal night. Why? Well every girl in he place was either a douchebag (the bartenders) or farm animals (the girl with no neck.). The only saving graces were that in between making snide comments about my drinks, the bartenders were on point as far as making the drinks, and the cover band wasn't bad. Jenn was super tired from a previous business trip, so she bowed out early, then Jim after that, and then I had two shots of Jager and a Vodka redbull then called it a night.

Does the weekend get better? Do unicorns appear? What is purple drank? STAY TUNED!

Perfection, Universal Perception?

I will be upfront and say that this particular blog post hath stemmed from a conversation from my friend Nicole, when the subject of Philosophy came up. She brought up Plato's World/Theory of Forms, which at some points speaks of perception.

Which brought us to this....

Me: I often wonder if our obsession with perfection is due to the fact that we think it may not exist and that scares us.

Nicole: Yeah, that makes sense. When you really think about it there is no reason we should strive for it because its not possible. But maybe because we know that, we try anyways.

Me: And sometimes people realize it may not be attainable, and it ruins them.

Which brings us here to this blog....Let us continue....

Perfection means something different to everyone. But does it actually exist just because we have a perception of the basic idea?

Also, does the idea of perfection exist because we, as imperfect beings, NEED it to exist? As if it needs to be there as the ultimate goal?

People often need something to strive for. Goals, dreams, etc are all different ideas of what we need to accomplish to feel success, or in some way, perfection. But outside of this need to succeed, or feel successful, does perfection exist?

If there were no humans around, would the idea of perfection exist? And is there one ultimate facet of perfection that all people can agree on?

For instance...

Ask two completely different people what their idea of a "perfect moment" would be, and most likely you will get two different answers, mostly due to the people's perception of what "perfect" is. Could it be that perfection could be a selfish notion? As in, when you create something, and its perfect to you, but it isn't to those you share it with, you don't care, because you made it perfect for yourself and not others?

One thing that lends itself to the idea that there might be a universal idea, is that there are groups of people who actually share interests and common ground and often times within that common ground (music, art, cars, food, the list could go on forever) there is a shared view within that community of what is perfection relative to the base common interest.

So does that mean that there COULD be a common perception of an ultimate perfection for all?

Perhaps. But the idea of perfection could almost certainly be compared directly to the idea of religion and one God or deity ruling over us all, and being responsible for our existence.

There are large groups that agree on different ideas of the different religions, but aren't they all just different facets of the same basic idea but with different names and names for the deities?

Indeed they are.

So perhaps there is one base idea of perfection that we all might not realize but all our individual ideas of perfection at any given time are just different facets of.

Or perhaps every individual's idea of perfection could be too different from the next to be connected to a base idea?

And if either of those cases are true, what IS the base idea of perfection?

The dictionary tells us the definition is...

per·fec·tion

 

–noun

1.

the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2.

the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as insome art.

3.

a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4.

a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree ofexcellence.

5.

the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality ortrait.

6.

the act or fact of perfecting.

But it doesn't tell us what the basic idea of it is. Even that basic idea could be so different from person to person that it eliminates the possibility of there being one ultimate perfection.

Or does it leave it open to the chance that we just don't realize that we could all have the same subconscious base idea of it?

Besides all this, what would it take for us all to realize this subconscious idea?

Is part of being human to strive for perfection in some situations?

Perhaps.

Do we as humans perceive perfection as a necessity? If we didn't have perfection to strive for, would we still try as hard? Most likely. The competitive nature in us (some of us anyway) keeps us trying our best, as humans DESPISE failure. Success doesn't always equate to perfection for some, so I think the lack of the idea of perfection wouldn't take anything away from the feeling of succeeding.

I believe that the notion of perfection is deeply rooted in our subconscious, but it is "coded" (for lack of a better term) differently in all of us, but the basic idea or feeling remains the same in all of us whether we realize/admit it or not.

Us humans, we're interesting folk sometimes no?