Going Down With The Ship PART 1

So yeah, between the insanely high gas prices and the fact I owe the IRS a bit of money, I am not pleased with the government.

And no I don't mean that in a crazy type of way. So relax.

I think its time for real change, as in, a bunch of normal everyday motherfuckers running the ship.

Like who? Well....why not me? Well other than the fact I'm not rich and I don't like to wear a suit.....

Before we go any further, keep in mind my knowledge of politics is a joke, as I try not to get wrapped up in this shit, and these related posts are PURELY FOR FUN.

Alright. Let's go!!!!

The year is 2012. Elections are over. I have won the position of President of United States of America. What do I do now?

The following....

I hold a press conference right off the bat. I take no questions. I have no speech written, no PR people to speak for me, and no teleprompter.

I walk up to the mic dressed in normal clothes, mohawk freshly cut, and I say something along the lines of.....

"Alright folks, first off I want to say thank you to the people who voted for me. For those who didn't, its cool. I understand that not everyone is going to agree with what I'm all about, so to speak.

Moving on.

America, let's be realistic, and not bullshit ourselves. The past few years, regardless of the president at the time, has been hard. I am not going to stand up here and try to get you to buy into some crap about how I'm going to make things better, and how I have an extensive plan on how to fix everything, because I don't. Life in these times is too unpredictable to try and plan every little detail for, but you have my word, that I will do my damned to fix what I can. Some of it will be little things you may not notice right away, and hopefully some of it will be big differences in everyone's life for the better.

I am not perfect, we are not perfect. I will not stand up here and try to be either. I have a funny haircut, I swear alot, and I don't dress the best, but I fail to see how that will effect my job. So deal with it. Appearance isn't everything, and with this position, getting the job done is. So I think I'll concentrate on that if you don't mind.

Moving on to Congress, I will say this. Cut the shit. This bickering proves how feeble minded and ignorant you all can be, regardless of party, so stop embarrassing yourselves. Arguing over the stupidest shit and minor details that no one really cares about but your pockets is counter-productive, and its gotten old. And I will deal with it. Mark my words. This is not a threat mind you, but a promise, and one that will be acted upon frequently. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to disagree with myself or one another, but c'mon guys and gals, let's face it, you spend too much time quarreling and not enough time doing your fucking job.

In closing, I will be selecting and announcing my new Cabinet, and yes they will be friends of mine. Before you cry about that, think about it, if you were in my position, you'd do the same damned thing. So hush. Besides, I wouldn't appoint them if I didn't think they could do the job, because that would be a huge disservice to you, the people, my employer.

I look forward to working for you, the American people, for the next 4 years, and hey just for the hell of it who knows? Maybe I'll actually make a difference.

Good night America, and rock on!"

I will the throw up the deuces and walk off stage, to go party my ass off before I have to sit down and finally pick out my cabinet and start tackling all the important issues.

My speech will piss off all sorts of people, but at the same time, make them aware that I pull no punches and I do not fuck around.

Part 2 of this will come soon.

Even Through Your Doubts, We Will Still Be Here.

Another week, another clusterfuck of bad luck to work my way through.

Let us go through this, and put it the fuck to bed.

Monday through Wednesday sucked/was stressful for the sheer fact that work was lame as fuck and dead as Rosie O'donnell's career.

Then wednesday morning on my way to work, smoke starts billowing out of the side of the hood of the WRX like I was flying a WWII fighter that had just been shot, so I cautiously make my way to work and what do I find upon opening the hood?

The fucking impossible/unthinkable had happened.

The upper coolant port on the radiator (where the upper radiator hose connects to the radiator for the laymen/non mechanics/non gearheads) had snapped off. No, not cracked, IT FUCKING SNAPPED OFF.

Ok no big deal right? I work at a subie dealer for fuck's sake, I'll just march over to parts and get one.....FUCK ME, was I wrong! The nearest one was 3 days out.

Put a pin in this (as my buddy Phlip would say) and we will revisit this.

So ok, I have 3 options at this point:

1. Go to Fall River, get the Bug, and drive it and subject it to alll the glorious roadsalt.

2. Call the friend I gave the Zombie Corolla to, and beg him to let me drive it on his tags till the WRX was set.

3. Beg to use a loaner car till the radiator came in.

Well I'll sooner lose a testicle before I expose my beloved 39 year old Bug to the road salt, so I went with option 2, and sure as shit he was cool with it so I went and picked up the Zombie Corolla.

And that should've been that. Right? WRONG. Rule #5 of being me: expect shit to get worse, because it can, AND IT WILL.

So needless to say, the ZC (zombie corolla) was in rough shape. But I quickly went to tending to its cheaper wounds as best I could, and was soon driving it.

That was Wednesday into Thursday.

Then Friday happened.

I got my paycheck, or should I say, punchline in an envelope. It was bad enough where I finally said something to my manager, and the review I was promised finally was going to occur that day.

Then my radiator showed up. (put a big fucking pin in this one, because there's more for this one)

So things started to look up....and then around 4 o'clock, the ocean took back my sand castle so to speak.

The idiot writer at the counter told a 2 hour job to come in and said itd be done in an hour. Given the nature of the job, which I will not get into her, it is fucking impossible to do it it under at least an hour and 45 minutes. The job was catalytic converters.

So that fucks me out of two things: putting the Radiator in the wrx and my review meeting.

So I start the job, then I go to transfer two of the sensors to the new exhaust and what happens? Yep, the threads strip right off the sensors, and we don't have the replacement ones in stock. So I went through all that bullshit for NOTHING.

Fine whatever, we agree to send someone in the morning to go to another dealer that has the sensors, and I'll have to come in and work on the WRX anyway, so I'll just finish it then.

So around 430pm I go have my review talk. It went well, and that's all I'll say on that.

5:15pm: I walked my tired, stressed shell of a body out to my ZC and start making my way to a friend's house for what we call Game Night.

Then the fucking unthinkable happens.

I hit the Grand Canyon of frost heaves, and the exhaust breaks off at the flex pipe. So here I am with the loudest car in all of the Northeast at this point.

I make it so said friend's house, throw my hands up (no not like Taio Cruz) call the dealer and go with option 3, taking a loaner.

The rest of Friday was pretty good, as the food served was fucking amazing (big up to Jamie for that), played an awesome board game called Pandemic, and I watched the Miami Heat get fucking SMOKED by 30 points by the Spurs.

So that should be it right? I'm typing this on sunday, so that means everything got fixed right? WRONG.

So I go in Saturday to install the new radiator in the WRX. Pull those pins out, as this is where shit gets even better.

There is an extremely necessary part that is needed to install the redesigned radiator into my car. And of course, it did not get ordered. F. M. L.

So I have to wait till at least Tuesday now.

And because for some reason the cat job didn't want to go smoothly, I didn't have time to fully figure out what I need exhaust-wise for the ZC either. Hence why there is a Sage Green Metallic 2010 Forester sitting in my parking spot outside, waiting with bated breath to take my ass to work tomorrow.

So needless to say, this week sucked. There were a million other things that happened that DID NOT HELP, but for the sake of not boring the two people that read this, I won't get into it.

This past week, if anything was a test. Not that I needed another fucking test of my resolve, but whatever. Its times when shit goes completely pear shaped that you find out how able you are to pull through, and how strong of a person you truly can be. Sometimes, if you can remember that, you can pull through. Deity only knows I had to keep telling myself that.

I swear I have so much bad luck, I must be a walking black cat or broken mirror.

Pleased to Meat You.

Another Sunday, another boring evening.

I have to be honest, I am looking forward to the coming weeks, as we are to the point where every couple days it will warm up to the 40s.

Still feeling good, which admittedly, scares the shit out of me. And save me the "oh you're so negative" bullshit, because it isn't true. I'm just realistic, and realistically, in my life, I've noticed that things only go this well for so long.

Oh joy, a Taco Bell commercial just came on, dealing with the topic of how their meat isn't 100% meat, but 88% quality ground beef, and the rest is their special recipe. Gimme a fucking break. I'm sorry, but if anyone is surprised by Taco Hell's meat not being 100% beef, well then you need to get slapped by a large fish. Although what I don't understand, is that everyone had stopped talking about it, but yet they felt the need to bring it up again? I highly doubt that anyone who was regularly eating Taco Fail stopped doing as such just because their meat was finally analyzed. Yes I chuckled typing that last sentence. So sue me.

Also, speaking of meat, I have yet to meet a vegetarian who can answer the following: Why is it wrong to kill, cook, and eat an animal (cow or otherwise)....but yet it is ok to kill a vegetable and eat it? Last I checked, plants are living and even breathing technically....so...what gives?

Moving on...

I'm watching the Knicks/Heat game.....good lord is this painful. Both teams keep trying to shoot 3s, and are failing hard, and good lord the Knicks are seemingly REFUSING to rebound. Shit, at this point I'd rather watch...dare I say....college hoops.

What else? I seem to be pretty much out of things to write about at this point....so....good night.

The Rebirth Of Possibilities, Within The Flames of Yesteryear

I am better. Much better actually.

Whatever the fuck was wrong with me that inspired my last post decided to pack up and fuck off within a few days, so I am back to....well myself, as I can't exactly say I'm normal.

Now that everything is hunky dory again, let's discuss/rant on some shit....

Trey Songz.

Yes the man who's smash hit "Bottoms Up" tore up pop and hip hop radio recently.

Well I have a question for you Mr. Songz, why the fuck would one want to warn security if they are about to tear a club/bar/party up? I mean not for nothing, but logic and/or common sense would dictate that if you were to tell security of such proposed mischief, they would see you the fuck out of said club/bar/party faster than you can say "bottoms up".

If anything, when one is about to cause any degree of mischief in a public place, I believe it would be wise NOT TO WARN THE AUTHORITIES, be they club bouncers, mall cops, or otherwise.

Just saying.

To Nikki Minaj....

1. I could care fuck all if I spelled her name right. Its not even her real name.

2. Why in the aardvark raping hell would you rap about Anna Nicole Smith in a song about getting hammered in a club and having a girl in your ride?

For those wondering what I'm talking about, in the above mentioned Trey Songz song Bottoms Up, she has a small but annoying rap part with this line: Rest in peace to Anna Nicole Smith, yes my dear you're so explosive.

WTF!?

1. yes I bet parts of her innards did explode with all the shit she had imbibed over the course of her life.

2. why in the holy hell would you shout out to her of all people, especially in a club song?

Moving on....and hastily so....

I had an interesting lunchtime conversation with a friend of mine (on the interwebz he's known as TwistedSymphony), about new cars and if there were actually any that we would deem worthy of us owning.

I can't remember what the amount of cars we agreed on were, but I believe there were less than 5. And we did not count supercars or exotics, we meant everyday joe schmo cars that you didn't have to earn 6 figures a year to own. Its kind of sad, I mean cars today are so fucking dumbed down with technology and safety nannies that you're not even truly driving the car anymore. Honda and Toyota have dumbed their lines down enough where we're at the point that nothing they produce is even remotely fun to drive (even more so since Honda killed off the S2000), Chevy, Ford, and Fiat/Chrysler all at least have musclecars.....Ze Germans (Audi, VW, BMW, Mercedes) are all over complicated and over engineered, and aren't that reliable....Saab? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH. I believe I've mentioned it before, but in case I haven't...SAABS ARE GARBAGE. Subaru? Meh not likely as they've uglified and dumbed down their cars, except maybe a new WRX or STI Hatch. Yes I said hatch. THEY ARE NOT WAGONS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

*Le Sigh*

(WHY THE FUCK DOES MY COLOR KEEP CHANGING BACK?!)

I will say that the past month or so has been rather interesting, given that I finally managed to track down some of my father's side of my family, including my father himself. I gotta say, situations like that do NOT come with a manual, and are very exciting but at the same time very interesting to deal with and sort through. Luckily enough, everyone that I've "re-met" has been pretty awesome.....and short. I swear I'm like a fucking giant whenever I hang out with them lol Ah well. If anything the weirdest part was talking to my father after so long, because I mean, what do I say? Well in case you were wondering, the first thing I said was "How've you been" lol.

Back to Red.

I finally got rid of that hunk of electronic shit better known to the masses as the SideKick. In all my days on this mortal coil, I have never come across a more unreliable, poorly made, and inconsistent piece of electronics. From the dropped calls, to the month that my phone couldn't find my pics or contacts, to the battery going from full to the phone dying and shutting off in five minutes, to the fucking thing just randomly resetting continuously until I plugged it into a charger, that thing was designed by Satan, I swear. I mean, its a pretty bad sign when HALF THE FUCKING EMPLOYEES of Danger Co. (the cunts who run the network the sidekick attempts to run on) leaves to go work for Android. Fuck that phone. Fuck it to hell and back. For making the "trying to communicate with other people via phone call and/or text" part of my life a living clusterfuckian hell for 2 years, I sentence the employees of Danger Inc. to staring at Star Jones' ass crack for one hour a day, for the rest of their miserable lives.

I'm hoping this year will be better car-wise. The Datsun needs work, the Beetle is hopefully going to be lightly gone over, and maybe at some point I'll get the WRX tuned. So many projects, so little time. Why the hell do I have to have all the fucking EXPENSIVE hobbies?!

Also, I hate the time between the end of football and the beginning of baseball. "Why's that? There's still NBA games to watch!" you might say, and you are correct. But there lies one problem....

.....College Basketball. Now bear with me here. Or bare with me. Whichever you're more comfortable doing at this point.

Thanks in part to my friend Phlip, I enjoy watching NBA games, almost to the point where it doesn't matter who is playing. Don't get me wrong, I am a Celtics fan, but hell there are alot of fun teams to watch. But NBA games aren't on everyday, are they? No. As much as I love House, Bones, NCIS, and various cartoons, they aren't always good or on. So what's left? ESPN. Now that is ok when they are showing SportsCenter (I love me some Linda Cohn, Sage Steele, and Rachel Nichols), but at night, usually when I get home from work, SC is ending and what comes on for the next bazillion (official estimate) hours? College basketball. I honestly never thought there would be anything less watchable than Cheerleading competitions or hell unranked college football. Its just soooo.....BORING. I can't really put my finger on why, but it is.

Also, thank you Blake Griffin for making the NBA highlight reels that much more awesome this year, your dunks are fucking ASTOUNDING.

So yeah, there you have it. Another one for the internet. Ha you thought I was gonna say "another one for the books" didn't you? Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. And Prostitutes. And Women desperate for money. And Women depicted in rap songs. Although, those last two could be the same in some cases. Weird.

Au Revoir Motherfuckers!

PS. L'omlette Du Fromage. Order one.

A Stranger in My Own Mind, I Feel Disconnected.

I feel.....

.....not like myself lately.

Ever since sunday....something....changed, or broke, or finally snapped. I have no idea.

I feel twitchy. I feel random bouts of rage. I'm randomly clenching my fists for no reason at all.

I find myself dizzy, light headed, and disconnected from reality. What the fuck happened?

Granted....let's be honest, a lot of this is possibly just deep seeded shit that has come to the surface, as you can only suppress so much for so long, but a lot of it, its not normal, its not me.

I....am not....I

And I haven't the slightest clue as to why. I've been getting random pains all over my head, maybe its connected? I don't know, I'm a mechanic, not a doctor Jim!

I know people are going to go with the whole "well maybe you should go to the doctor" or "you need to get some help" bits, but its not that easy.

I'm not making any money. "Help" costs money. If I take time to go get "help", I will miss what little work there is at the shop. Its a vicious cycle. But that is my life.

And let me be fucking CRYSTAL GOD DAMN CUNT FUCKING CLEAR. This is not a plea for help, a dance for attention, or a begging for a handout. I don't want or need ANYONE'S HELP.

I'm just trying to walk myself through my own head to try and figure out the issue here, as there are several.

All I did Sunday was throw up, feel sick, and shiver. I can't even begin to fathom how the fuck that could have caused anything I'm experiencing....shit even the slightest conversation makes me want to rip someone's head off. But then out of nowhere, like yesterday at work around 2ish, I'll be laughing and joking and ecstatic to exist.

Outside of that, I'm coming to find new things are starting to trigger my temper....obviously I will not list them here, as people are fucking cock gobbling pieces of shit and would no sooner try them on purpose to see what happened. Cunts.

Its so.....strange. Like even right now, I have no idea wtf my issue is, but I just feel so.....angry. Like....to the brink of violence. I've never been like that, even at my worst.

Yes, I will admit, things aren't going so great, but....I don't know. I fail to see how that could cause me to not feel like......me.

The echoes in my head aren't like they used to be so to speak. I can't concentrate. I keep zoning out. My chest will randomly tense up and hurt.

Maybe Sunday has nothing to do with it? Were these issues here all along, and I just never experienced them enough to notice or care? Again, I have no idea.

Something has to give eventually I suppose......

Or am I finally just succumbing to everything I've kept from everyone?

Or am I finally crumbling?

Fucked if I know. I have no fucking idea.

And every time I think to myself "Why don't you talk to someone about all this shit?", my mind instantly thinks of each person I would feel comfortable talking to, and then comes up with a list of 1000 reasons why not to tell them .

I know its not good to assume, but I just.....don't feel like I can actually talk to anyone and get the results I need. However, that too is most likely my own damned fault.

I don't know. For the first time in my life....I can honestly say I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on.

So maybe I don't have an answer for everything.....how painfully ironic.

Pull Out The Arrows That Poison Your Mind

Honestly, this entry is just going to be a bunch of randomness, you have been warned.

Who the hell got the nickname Dick out of Richard? Rich is obvious, Rick.....eh kinda a stretch....Did someone just say aw fuck it I hate him and start calling some guy Richard Dick just ot ruin his childhood? Imagine being that guy, I wonder how proud they would be knowing it caught on...

.....then again imagine being the monkey that AIDS came from and knowing how that shit caught on!

Also, speaking of that, while there are 101 ways I'm sure the virus got transferred to man, but let's just be awful for a moment:

What IF the first person to catch it got it from fucking a monkey? Ew. Although, in the end I guess HE (and the human race) got truly fucked! HA!

Alright enough....what now?

I'd rambled on furiously about music, but there really is little point to that, as alot of it is going to continue to get worse and worse (see: Willow- I shake my hair).

Oh speaking of shitty music, anyone acting even remotely surprised that the lesbian formerly known as Justin Beiber won awards should just hit themselves in the forehead with a brick. Hard. Let's be honest, not that we aren't usually, shittiness is promoted these days. Average talent, marketable looks, and a recording studio are all you need to become famous these days. Or at least try to. How they narrow down the final turdburgers is beyond me.

Watching the Minnesota Vikings this year has been.....morbidly entertaining, almost like watching a captain who has gone down with the ship slowly drown in his quarters. Ah well at least they finally fired Brad Childress.

Still wish I was doing musically. I've had wicked writer's block for awhile though, so I don't know how much good ish I would be able to create.

I'm running out of ramblings.

Ah! I've slowly started working on my new Zombie related blog story type deal, so stay tuned for that.

and since I probably won't remember anything to post here for awhile...

Feliz Navidad

Joyeux Noel

Happy Kwanzaa

Happy Hanukka

Happy Holidays

and

Merry Christmas.

If I missed any, WELL TOO FUCKING BAD.

Oh, one last thing, it finally snowed, and as per usual, everyone on the highway became scared as shit. Ah the predictable things about New England winters.

GOODNIGHT.

Stay Classy Interwebs,

Move Along, No Christmas to See Here

Well I think I've left this dormant long enough.

Its December, those fucking jokes of elections are finally over, and I guess its the holiday season again.

Woop de fucking doo.

I mean honestly, I don't really mind Christmas per se, but just some parts of it have grown on my nerves after all these years....

1. Christmas music. Don't get me wrong, I get it, I really do, but why does it always have to be whoever is popular at the moment (and Mariah Carey, for some fucking reason she ALWAYS has a christmas album!) doing the same damned songs over and over? Yes, I understand some artists (if you can even call them that anymore) do write new holiday songs, but 99% of them suck so they don't count. Also, I understand that Christmas isn't really "Metal", but why can't there be a metal christmas album? I'd love to hear Cannibal Corpse do Silent Night or Eths do Noel orrrrrrrrrrrr (thinking......) Blind Guardian do Santa Claus is coming to town. Absurd? Yes. But it would still be 110% better than what's being played over and over and over and over and over and over now. Shit, the last decent Christmas song I've heard is Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC (RIP Jam Master Jay).

Oh, and why the fuck do stores have to play these songs over and over? We know its the holiday season. We know we have dragged our tired, overworked, and underpaid asses to your store to buy shit that we'd rather have for ourselves for other people, so why the fuck do you find it necessary to play these songs, as if to put us in some sort of holiday trance so we don't realize how much we're spending and why?

2. Christmas Trees. What a mess. And for what, something to hang some random glass balls (or diecast trains if you were at my house back in the day) and to put the presents under? Please. I guaruntee if you just stack the fucking present in any corner of the house (or apartment), no one is gonna bitch. I understand the religious part of it (putting a star or angle on top to represent the host of angles or the Star of Bethlehem from the nativity), or that for some its a family tradition, but I don't know, I just don't see the point otherwise. And no, there will not be one at my place this year. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree <-yes I read that before typing this part. HA!

3. Carolers. Cause you know, that's what I want at my door, a bunch of random people singing songs I really don't like in the first place. Do these people really have nothing better to do? Hell an even better question, do people even do this anymore? If not, good, if so, dammit.

Now I'm sure the two people who are going to read this (What up Phlip and Mike) are thinking, alright you miserable prick, you don't like Christmas, just like you don't like most things, but hold up, I will actually get to the positives....

......Now.

Things I love about Christmas?

1.THE FOOD. Jesus possum raping christ do I love holiday food. Egg Nog? FUCK YEAH. Pumpkin Pie? FUCK YEAH. Christmas Dinner? FUCK YEAH. My mother has ALWAYS been a great cook, but god dammit does she deliver on the holidays! And now that I'm married, I get to eat at my mother in law's place as well, and she is no culinary slouch either. So yeah.

2. Getting the day off. Now this year sucks, because I already have Saturdays off, so it doesn't count. "Oh but that's not what Christmas is about"....Oh come on. We all love paid holidays, and Christmas gives us just that, so gives a fuck what its about? Oh and getting out early on Christmas eve doesn't hurt either.

3. Hangin with the Fam. Now that I am married, that has 2 meanings, as I get to see my in laws as well. Now while us Murdocks (my mother, brother, sister, and myself) do not always get along, its still good to see them, as we are all usually pretty busy to all be in the same place at the same time. As far as my in laws, its good to see them as well, as they live 2 hours away, so we don't get down there much.

4. I would be an absolute fucking liar if I didn't say that I love getting presents. I mean come on, who doesn't love getting free stuff, especially from awesome people? Right? Right. "Oh but Christmas isn't about and shouldn't be about the presents"....Oh? Then why do we spend so much money year in and year out buying shit for people for christmas? Hmm? Maybe it wasn't supposed to be about that, but that's like saying Tax Season isn't about getting that (hopefully) sweet tax return. Funny thing this year, as I have no real idea wtf I want for Christmas, other than a running Datsun. lol

In summary, Christmas is ultimately about what you make it about. For me, its mostly (but not always) about the above. Some people dig all the corny shit that comes along with it, the tree, the caroling, the music, and that's fine! If that's what does it for you then hey good for you, and I respect that, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

You'll notice that I really didn't touch on the religious aspect of the holiday, and that is in part out of respect for my friends who read this that are religious. Also, I have been involved in too many messy arguments regarding religion, therefore I try to keep it out of this blog.

To be 100% honest, I don't think I will ever be as "about" Christmas per se as I was when I was a kid, and this is due to the horrible death of my friend Andrew Clancy, who was killed back in 2004 on Christmas. I dunno, they say time heals all wounds, but something like that never really leave the back of one's mind, especially given the shady circumstances surrounding it, and it tends to put a damper on one's holiday spirit.

RIP Drew, we still miss ya buddy.