And no I don't mean that in a crazy type of way. So relax.
I think its time for real change, as in, a bunch of normal everyday motherfuckers running the ship.
Like who? Well....why not me? Well other than the fact I'm not rich and I don't like to wear a suit.....
Before we go any further, keep in mind my knowledge of politics is a joke, as I try not to get wrapped up in this shit, and these related posts are PURELY FOR FUN.
Alright. Let's go!!!!
The year is 2012. Elections are over. I have won the position of President of United States of America. What do I do now?
The following....
I hold a press conference right off the bat. I take no questions. I have no speech written, no PR people to speak for me, and no teleprompter.
I walk up to the mic dressed in normal clothes, mohawk freshly cut, and I say something along the lines of.....
"Alright folks, first off I want to say thank you to the people who voted for me. For those who didn't, its cool. I understand that not everyone is going to agree with what I'm all about, so to speak.
Moving on.
America, let's be realistic, and not bullshit ourselves. The past few years, regardless of the president at the time, has been hard. I am not going to stand up here and try to get you to buy into some crap about how I'm going to make things better, and how I have an extensive plan on how to fix everything, because I don't. Life in these times is too unpredictable to try and plan every little detail for, but you have my word, that I will do my damned to fix what I can. Some of it will be little things you may not notice right away, and hopefully some of it will be big differences in everyone's life for the better.
I am not perfect, we are not perfect. I will not stand up here and try to be either. I have a funny haircut, I swear alot, and I don't dress the best, but I fail to see how that will effect my job. So deal with it. Appearance isn't everything, and with this position, getting the job done is. So I think I'll concentrate on that if you don't mind.
Moving on to Congress, I will say this. Cut the shit. This bickering proves how feeble minded and ignorant you all can be, regardless of party, so stop embarrassing yourselves. Arguing over the stupidest shit and minor details that no one really cares about but your pockets is counter-productive, and its gotten old. And I will deal with it. Mark my words. This is not a threat mind you, but a promise, and one that will be acted upon frequently. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to disagree with myself or one another, but c'mon guys and gals, let's face it, you spend too much time quarreling and not enough time doing your fucking job.
In closing, I will be selecting and announcing my new Cabinet, and yes they will be friends of mine. Before you cry about that, think about it, if you were in my position, you'd do the same damned thing. So hush. Besides, I wouldn't appoint them if I didn't think they could do the job, because that would be a huge disservice to you, the people, my employer.
I look forward to working for you, the American people, for the next 4 years, and hey just for the hell of it who knows? Maybe I'll actually make a difference.
Good night America, and rock on!"
I will the throw up the deuces and walk off stage, to go party my ass off before I have to sit down and finally pick out my cabinet and start tackling all the important issues.
My speech will piss off all sorts of people, but at the same time, make them aware that I pull no punches and I do not fuck around.
Part 2 of this will come soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment