Your Attitude is Welcome Welcome.

Again, ages since I've touched this blog. Whatever.

I've almost come to the point where I would just rather keep everything in my head than post it here and/or my other blog, as I don't seem to trust my friends like I once did. I can't seem to say anything without being made fun of or trolled. Hell I probably won't even actually post this link to Facebook.

Whatever. Moving on.

You ever have someone whom which you held in high regard (possibly too high of a regard?) in a conversation say something that just.....burns? And I don't mean the typical dig or insult, I mean as if you were talking about something very important and that you haven't talked to anyone else about and they drop some sort of bomb on you? Or they try to tell you that what you said was a lie?

A couple months ago, I had that occur. I unfortunately cannot get into detail about it, but one of the final lines from the other party pretty much shattered my heart. I mean, who the fuck are they to question what the fuck my actual intentions were, or what the fuck I actually meant?

It just.....burns. I don't open up that much to too many people (and rightfully so, if my previous experiences with people is anything to go by), so for someone like that to say that they said just pretty much fucking murdered me inside. I'm sure I'll get over it, but fuck it won't be easy.

Again, whatever. Just something echoing in my head for awhile I guess.

The other thing that seems to piss in my Cheerios, is when someone question how much effort you actually put into something.

This also was said a couple months ago, but fuck me it just won't go away.

Let's face it, I'm physically (and mentally) beat up. I'm wearing a wrist brace because of a tear, and have premature arthritis in both wrists. I've already had one knee fixed, my lower back is in a constant state of pain, and more and more frequently my ankle is just......fucked. So when I push myself as hard as I do, even though my body won't really let me, and someone says "oh well he just shows up to have fun, he doesn't really try THAT hard" that just irks the fuck out of me. I should've just said something right there on the spot, but if I recall correctly, we were at a party, and it would've been insanely rude to cause a scene.

I know I'm falling the fuck apart, but shit, the day I "don't try" is the day you can put me in the fucking ground.

I just don't know anymore. Something has got to give, right? My fucking head is beginning to hurt.

A Diamond in the Rough....A Boy and His Car Part Deux.

I slowly made my way down the hill and to the barn where she's been sitting. I gently removed her cover, making sure not to catch it on the mirror or any of the trim....

...And there she was. The small bit of light shining into the barn caught the British Racing Green surface of her rear quarter, amplifying the beauty of her curves. Another bit of light shone down upon the rust taking residence upon the cowl.

She almost lived tonight. We are so close to her resuscitation. For 20 seconds, she proved she deserves a second chance, something the previous two owners failed to realize.

But she isn't theirs anymore, she's all mine.

The night and dark finally took over, and I had to cover her back up. I will return here, I will make this work. She will roar to life, and we will terrorize the streets together.

She's not perfect. But then again neither am I. That, is what makes it work. My diamond in the rough, my Datsun Z.

A Moment In Passing....A Boy and His Car.

I walked out of the garage, and our eyes met. She had been sitting there all week, watching galavant around town with her, and I could feel the jealousy and the sense of neglect. I slowly approached her, apologizing for the lack of time we've spent together recently, and gently opened her up.

I slid inside slowly, inserted the key, and turned it.

She cranked, sputtered, then rumbled to life. I had missed her honestly, but recent events had necessitated her sitting alone for awhile.

I watched her warm up, then slowly moved her to the intersection. The light turned green and we carried on through town. I waited till no one was around, and finally put my foot down. There it was. The roar, the spool, and acceleration. Euphoric. I remembered why when I first laid eyes on her I HAD to have her.

We continued through downtown, if only so I could listen to her amazing rumble reverberate off of all the old brick buildings....The sound....it never gets old.

Finally, I had to bring her back. I hope she understands that it isn't by choice the other one is around, but out of necessity. I park, shut her down and remove the key, slide out and gently close the door. I run my hand gently down her rear quarter, admiring her lines, then turn and walk away. She and I both knew I'd be back, regardless of how long it took me.

Yeah, she's fuckin awesome. I can't wait for the next ride, and neither can she.

You're Biting Your Own Fucking Neck.

Wow. Its been awhile. No time for bullshit, so lets dive right into the cesspool.

People please, stop telling other people things over and over, when in reality you are telling them to yourself. I understand people disagree with you and that shakes your confidence in your decision, but going on and on about it just shows how little confidence you have in yourself. Someone disagreed with you, we get it. You apparently were never 100% on it in the first place if you have to keep discussing it.

Make your fucking bed, and take a god damned nap in it.

People please, stop using other people as your safety net when your fucking joke of a love life crumbles to ashes every 6 months to a year. You want nothing to do with us when you have a man/woman in your life, but the second you get bored with them and walk away from it, you're right the fuck back like you were never a ghost.

Actually while we're on that subject.....

When someone in the group FINALLY calls you out on your bullshit ghosting habits, don't take to Facebook and try to pawn it off as the person wanting your world to revolve around them. You're lying to your own immature delusional ass, as well as trying to bullshit everyone who reads your status into pitying you. Just because you can't see the brick wall you keep running into doesn't mean it isn't there. Don't be pissed when someone points out the obstacles you can't bring yourself to fucking deal with. I assure you, you have done nothing important enough that has affected me in a way where I would put you at the center of my world.....and frankly I don't think my attention span (comparable to a crack head's) would allow me to focus on you for too long anyway.

What else?

Oh yeah. People please stop lighting London on fire. Its not going to solve anything, and I happen to like London. Alot.

Furthermore....

You're, your.....There, Their, Theyre.....Were, We're. Please learn the difference. Oh and stop using apostrophe S to pluralize EVERYTHING. Sheesh.

Finally....

I'm not perfect. If the people read this that it is directed at, don't respond to it with the classic "Oh who is he to fucking talk? Like he's so perfect, he's this, he's that, he's done this and that, he has this and that issue", because I am well the fuck aware I am a walking ball of chaos/ignorance/stubbornness/fuckery. I never claimed to be perfect. People constantly call me out on some of my fuck ups, so I'm just passing it on to try and help others. Seriously. I know its hard to believe, but I really am trying to help. I know its probably not the best way, but you won't listen or respond to any other way.

Oh and I bet a psychologist would have a fucking FIELD DAY with me and what goes on in my cavernous cranium.

Am I....

It could be...

It comes and it goes….The rage, the anger, the despair….I only seek to control it, and it seems to be the fire that lights my way….Do I ask for help, or let it grab the wheel?

A Flat Four, A Rotary, Short People, and Racing. PART 1!!!

What a weekend.

But first, a quick apology for letting this sit dormant for so long. I'm sorry.

Moving on.

So a couple weeks back a friend of mine I hadn't heard from in quite some time called me up, if only to TELL ME (no, not ask lol) that I would be accompanying him and his girlfriend down to PA to attend NICOfest again.

To be honest, even though I had an absolute blast the last time I went, I hadn't even thought about returning, never mind the fact that I am about a year removed from even owning a Nissan. Yes I have a Datsun, but whatever. So after some pondering, I said fuck it, why not.

The only thing that scared me a bit, is/was that the WRX is catless without a tune. At 150K, no tune and some track abuse can be....lets say....not healthy.

Another fun thing was that this would mean I would have to meet Jim's (the aforementioned friend who called me) new GF, and given my....erm....sense of humor, would be interesting.

Finally, the day arrived. Friday the 13th! DUN DUN DUN. I made sure as to load up some tools and spare automotive fluids just in case shit happened, as sometimes shit happens lol I made it to Jim and Jenn's abode in 2.5 hours, which isn't bad for a jaunt from NH to CT.

So I'll spare the boring details, but it was good to meet Jenn yadda yadda yadda, 8 hour drive blah blah blah.

So finally we arrive in PA. Giggity. We check in the hotel, park the cars, and unload that which is necessary to be unloaded. I know, I'm awesome with details. Moving on. So as comes with being human, and travelling long distances, WE WERE FUCKING HUNGRY. ROAR. Luckily for us (me!), there is a TGI FRIDAY'S!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

So we go in, and take a seat in a booth in the lounge, because honestly, where else is fun to sit at a TGI Fridays? So we eat, I converse with various members of the waitstaff, and we get on with our lives. Then comes the hard part....

....Allocating alcohol. Oh Shit.

PA laws don't allow beer store to sell hard liquor. We wanted Liquor. Liquor store was closed. Lamesauce.

So we decided we might as well just go to the Hardware Bar at the hotel, as we had a freakin blast the last time Jim and I were down there. So off we went...La dee freakin da.

Apparently, this was douchebag and farm animal night. Why? Well every girl in he place was either a douchebag (the bartenders) or farm animals (the girl with no neck.). The only saving graces were that in between making snide comments about my drinks, the bartenders were on point as far as making the drinks, and the cover band wasn't bad. Jenn was super tired from a previous business trip, so she bowed out early, then Jim after that, and then I had two shots of Jager and a Vodka redbull then called it a night.

Does the weekend get better? Do unicorns appear? What is purple drank? STAY TUNED!

Perfection, Universal Perception?

I will be upfront and say that this particular blog post hath stemmed from a conversation from my friend Nicole, when the subject of Philosophy came up. She brought up Plato's World/Theory of Forms, which at some points speaks of perception.

Which brought us to this....

Me: I often wonder if our obsession with perfection is due to the fact that we think it may not exist and that scares us.

Nicole: Yeah, that makes sense. When you really think about it there is no reason we should strive for it because its not possible. But maybe because we know that, we try anyways.

Me: And sometimes people realize it may not be attainable, and it ruins them.

Which brings us here to this blog....Let us continue....

Perfection means something different to everyone. But does it actually exist just because we have a perception of the basic idea?

Also, does the idea of perfection exist because we, as imperfect beings, NEED it to exist? As if it needs to be there as the ultimate goal?

People often need something to strive for. Goals, dreams, etc are all different ideas of what we need to accomplish to feel success, or in some way, perfection. But outside of this need to succeed, or feel successful, does perfection exist?

If there were no humans around, would the idea of perfection exist? And is there one ultimate facet of perfection that all people can agree on?

For instance...

Ask two completely different people what their idea of a "perfect moment" would be, and most likely you will get two different answers, mostly due to the people's perception of what "perfect" is. Could it be that perfection could be a selfish notion? As in, when you create something, and its perfect to you, but it isn't to those you share it with, you don't care, because you made it perfect for yourself and not others?

One thing that lends itself to the idea that there might be a universal idea, is that there are groups of people who actually share interests and common ground and often times within that common ground (music, art, cars, food, the list could go on forever) there is a shared view within that community of what is perfection relative to the base common interest.

So does that mean that there COULD be a common perception of an ultimate perfection for all?

Perhaps. But the idea of perfection could almost certainly be compared directly to the idea of religion and one God or deity ruling over us all, and being responsible for our existence.

There are large groups that agree on different ideas of the different religions, but aren't they all just different facets of the same basic idea but with different names and names for the deities?

Indeed they are.

So perhaps there is one base idea of perfection that we all might not realize but all our individual ideas of perfection at any given time are just different facets of.

Or perhaps every individual's idea of perfection could be too different from the next to be connected to a base idea?

And if either of those cases are true, what IS the base idea of perfection?

The dictionary tells us the definition is...

per·fec·tion

 

–noun

1.

the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2.

the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as insome art.

3.

a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4.

a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree ofexcellence.

5.

the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality ortrait.

6.

the act or fact of perfecting.

But it doesn't tell us what the basic idea of it is. Even that basic idea could be so different from person to person that it eliminates the possibility of there being one ultimate perfection.

Or does it leave it open to the chance that we just don't realize that we could all have the same subconscious base idea of it?

Besides all this, what would it take for us all to realize this subconscious idea?

Is part of being human to strive for perfection in some situations?

Perhaps.

Do we as humans perceive perfection as a necessity? If we didn't have perfection to strive for, would we still try as hard? Most likely. The competitive nature in us (some of us anyway) keeps us trying our best, as humans DESPISE failure. Success doesn't always equate to perfection for some, so I think the lack of the idea of perfection wouldn't take anything away from the feeling of succeeding.

I believe that the notion of perfection is deeply rooted in our subconscious, but it is "coded" (for lack of a better term) differently in all of us, but the basic idea or feeling remains the same in all of us whether we realize/admit it or not.

Us humans, we're interesting folk sometimes no?

Going Down With The Ship PART 1

So yeah, between the insanely high gas prices and the fact I owe the IRS a bit of money, I am not pleased with the government.

And no I don't mean that in a crazy type of way. So relax.

I think its time for real change, as in, a bunch of normal everyday motherfuckers running the ship.

Like who? Well....why not me? Well other than the fact I'm not rich and I don't like to wear a suit.....

Before we go any further, keep in mind my knowledge of politics is a joke, as I try not to get wrapped up in this shit, and these related posts are PURELY FOR FUN.

Alright. Let's go!!!!

The year is 2012. Elections are over. I have won the position of President of United States of America. What do I do now?

The following....

I hold a press conference right off the bat. I take no questions. I have no speech written, no PR people to speak for me, and no teleprompter.

I walk up to the mic dressed in normal clothes, mohawk freshly cut, and I say something along the lines of.....

"Alright folks, first off I want to say thank you to the people who voted for me. For those who didn't, its cool. I understand that not everyone is going to agree with what I'm all about, so to speak.

Moving on.

America, let's be realistic, and not bullshit ourselves. The past few years, regardless of the president at the time, has been hard. I am not going to stand up here and try to get you to buy into some crap about how I'm going to make things better, and how I have an extensive plan on how to fix everything, because I don't. Life in these times is too unpredictable to try and plan every little detail for, but you have my word, that I will do my damned to fix what I can. Some of it will be little things you may not notice right away, and hopefully some of it will be big differences in everyone's life for the better.

I am not perfect, we are not perfect. I will not stand up here and try to be either. I have a funny haircut, I swear alot, and I don't dress the best, but I fail to see how that will effect my job. So deal with it. Appearance isn't everything, and with this position, getting the job done is. So I think I'll concentrate on that if you don't mind.

Moving on to Congress, I will say this. Cut the shit. This bickering proves how feeble minded and ignorant you all can be, regardless of party, so stop embarrassing yourselves. Arguing over the stupidest shit and minor details that no one really cares about but your pockets is counter-productive, and its gotten old. And I will deal with it. Mark my words. This is not a threat mind you, but a promise, and one that will be acted upon frequently. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to disagree with myself or one another, but c'mon guys and gals, let's face it, you spend too much time quarreling and not enough time doing your fucking job.

In closing, I will be selecting and announcing my new Cabinet, and yes they will be friends of mine. Before you cry about that, think about it, if you were in my position, you'd do the same damned thing. So hush. Besides, I wouldn't appoint them if I didn't think they could do the job, because that would be a huge disservice to you, the people, my employer.

I look forward to working for you, the American people, for the next 4 years, and hey just for the hell of it who knows? Maybe I'll actually make a difference.

Good night America, and rock on!"

I will the throw up the deuces and walk off stage, to go party my ass off before I have to sit down and finally pick out my cabinet and start tackling all the important issues.

My speech will piss off all sorts of people, but at the same time, make them aware that I pull no punches and I do not fuck around.

Part 2 of this will come soon.

Even Through Your Doubts, We Will Still Be Here.

Another week, another clusterfuck of bad luck to work my way through.

Let us go through this, and put it the fuck to bed.

Monday through Wednesday sucked/was stressful for the sheer fact that work was lame as fuck and dead as Rosie O'donnell's career.

Then wednesday morning on my way to work, smoke starts billowing out of the side of the hood of the WRX like I was flying a WWII fighter that had just been shot, so I cautiously make my way to work and what do I find upon opening the hood?

The fucking impossible/unthinkable had happened.

The upper coolant port on the radiator (where the upper radiator hose connects to the radiator for the laymen/non mechanics/non gearheads) had snapped off. No, not cracked, IT FUCKING SNAPPED OFF.

Ok no big deal right? I work at a subie dealer for fuck's sake, I'll just march over to parts and get one.....FUCK ME, was I wrong! The nearest one was 3 days out.

Put a pin in this (as my buddy Phlip would say) and we will revisit this.

So ok, I have 3 options at this point:

1. Go to Fall River, get the Bug, and drive it and subject it to alll the glorious roadsalt.

2. Call the friend I gave the Zombie Corolla to, and beg him to let me drive it on his tags till the WRX was set.

3. Beg to use a loaner car till the radiator came in.

Well I'll sooner lose a testicle before I expose my beloved 39 year old Bug to the road salt, so I went with option 2, and sure as shit he was cool with it so I went and picked up the Zombie Corolla.

And that should've been that. Right? WRONG. Rule #5 of being me: expect shit to get worse, because it can, AND IT WILL.

So needless to say, the ZC (zombie corolla) was in rough shape. But I quickly went to tending to its cheaper wounds as best I could, and was soon driving it.

That was Wednesday into Thursday.

Then Friday happened.

I got my paycheck, or should I say, punchline in an envelope. It was bad enough where I finally said something to my manager, and the review I was promised finally was going to occur that day.

Then my radiator showed up. (put a big fucking pin in this one, because there's more for this one)

So things started to look up....and then around 4 o'clock, the ocean took back my sand castle so to speak.

The idiot writer at the counter told a 2 hour job to come in and said itd be done in an hour. Given the nature of the job, which I will not get into her, it is fucking impossible to do it it under at least an hour and 45 minutes. The job was catalytic converters.

So that fucks me out of two things: putting the Radiator in the wrx and my review meeting.

So I start the job, then I go to transfer two of the sensors to the new exhaust and what happens? Yep, the threads strip right off the sensors, and we don't have the replacement ones in stock. So I went through all that bullshit for NOTHING.

Fine whatever, we agree to send someone in the morning to go to another dealer that has the sensors, and I'll have to come in and work on the WRX anyway, so I'll just finish it then.

So around 430pm I go have my review talk. It went well, and that's all I'll say on that.

5:15pm: I walked my tired, stressed shell of a body out to my ZC and start making my way to a friend's house for what we call Game Night.

Then the fucking unthinkable happens.

I hit the Grand Canyon of frost heaves, and the exhaust breaks off at the flex pipe. So here I am with the loudest car in all of the Northeast at this point.

I make it so said friend's house, throw my hands up (no not like Taio Cruz) call the dealer and go with option 3, taking a loaner.

The rest of Friday was pretty good, as the food served was fucking amazing (big up to Jamie for that), played an awesome board game called Pandemic, and I watched the Miami Heat get fucking SMOKED by 30 points by the Spurs.

So that should be it right? I'm typing this on sunday, so that means everything got fixed right? WRONG.

So I go in Saturday to install the new radiator in the WRX. Pull those pins out, as this is where shit gets even better.

There is an extremely necessary part that is needed to install the redesigned radiator into my car. And of course, it did not get ordered. F. M. L.

So I have to wait till at least Tuesday now.

And because for some reason the cat job didn't want to go smoothly, I didn't have time to fully figure out what I need exhaust-wise for the ZC either. Hence why there is a Sage Green Metallic 2010 Forester sitting in my parking spot outside, waiting with bated breath to take my ass to work tomorrow.

So needless to say, this week sucked. There were a million other things that happened that DID NOT HELP, but for the sake of not boring the two people that read this, I won't get into it.

This past week, if anything was a test. Not that I needed another fucking test of my resolve, but whatever. Its times when shit goes completely pear shaped that you find out how able you are to pull through, and how strong of a person you truly can be. Sometimes, if you can remember that, you can pull through. Deity only knows I had to keep telling myself that.

I swear I have so much bad luck, I must be a walking black cat or broken mirror.

Pleased to Meat You.

Another Sunday, another boring evening.

I have to be honest, I am looking forward to the coming weeks, as we are to the point where every couple days it will warm up to the 40s.

Still feeling good, which admittedly, scares the shit out of me. And save me the "oh you're so negative" bullshit, because it isn't true. I'm just realistic, and realistically, in my life, I've noticed that things only go this well for so long.

Oh joy, a Taco Bell commercial just came on, dealing with the topic of how their meat isn't 100% meat, but 88% quality ground beef, and the rest is their special recipe. Gimme a fucking break. I'm sorry, but if anyone is surprised by Taco Hell's meat not being 100% beef, well then you need to get slapped by a large fish. Although what I don't understand, is that everyone had stopped talking about it, but yet they felt the need to bring it up again? I highly doubt that anyone who was regularly eating Taco Fail stopped doing as such just because their meat was finally analyzed. Yes I chuckled typing that last sentence. So sue me.

Also, speaking of meat, I have yet to meet a vegetarian who can answer the following: Why is it wrong to kill, cook, and eat an animal (cow or otherwise)....but yet it is ok to kill a vegetable and eat it? Last I checked, plants are living and even breathing technically....so...what gives?

Moving on...

I'm watching the Knicks/Heat game.....good lord is this painful. Both teams keep trying to shoot 3s, and are failing hard, and good lord the Knicks are seemingly REFUSING to rebound. Shit, at this point I'd rather watch...dare I say....college hoops.

What else? I seem to be pretty much out of things to write about at this point....so....good night.

The Rebirth Of Possibilities, Within The Flames of Yesteryear

I am better. Much better actually.

Whatever the fuck was wrong with me that inspired my last post decided to pack up and fuck off within a few days, so I am back to....well myself, as I can't exactly say I'm normal.

Now that everything is hunky dory again, let's discuss/rant on some shit....

Trey Songz.

Yes the man who's smash hit "Bottoms Up" tore up pop and hip hop radio recently.

Well I have a question for you Mr. Songz, why the fuck would one want to warn security if they are about to tear a club/bar/party up? I mean not for nothing, but logic and/or common sense would dictate that if you were to tell security of such proposed mischief, they would see you the fuck out of said club/bar/party faster than you can say "bottoms up".

If anything, when one is about to cause any degree of mischief in a public place, I believe it would be wise NOT TO WARN THE AUTHORITIES, be they club bouncers, mall cops, or otherwise.

Just saying.

To Nikki Minaj....

1. I could care fuck all if I spelled her name right. Its not even her real name.

2. Why in the aardvark raping hell would you rap about Anna Nicole Smith in a song about getting hammered in a club and having a girl in your ride?

For those wondering what I'm talking about, in the above mentioned Trey Songz song Bottoms Up, she has a small but annoying rap part with this line: Rest in peace to Anna Nicole Smith, yes my dear you're so explosive.

WTF!?

1. yes I bet parts of her innards did explode with all the shit she had imbibed over the course of her life.

2. why in the holy hell would you shout out to her of all people, especially in a club song?

Moving on....and hastily so....

I had an interesting lunchtime conversation with a friend of mine (on the interwebz he's known as TwistedSymphony), about new cars and if there were actually any that we would deem worthy of us owning.

I can't remember what the amount of cars we agreed on were, but I believe there were less than 5. And we did not count supercars or exotics, we meant everyday joe schmo cars that you didn't have to earn 6 figures a year to own. Its kind of sad, I mean cars today are so fucking dumbed down with technology and safety nannies that you're not even truly driving the car anymore. Honda and Toyota have dumbed their lines down enough where we're at the point that nothing they produce is even remotely fun to drive (even more so since Honda killed off the S2000), Chevy, Ford, and Fiat/Chrysler all at least have musclecars.....Ze Germans (Audi, VW, BMW, Mercedes) are all over complicated and over engineered, and aren't that reliable....Saab? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH. I believe I've mentioned it before, but in case I haven't...SAABS ARE GARBAGE. Subaru? Meh not likely as they've uglified and dumbed down their cars, except maybe a new WRX or STI Hatch. Yes I said hatch. THEY ARE NOT WAGONS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

*Le Sigh*

(WHY THE FUCK DOES MY COLOR KEEP CHANGING BACK?!)

I will say that the past month or so has been rather interesting, given that I finally managed to track down some of my father's side of my family, including my father himself. I gotta say, situations like that do NOT come with a manual, and are very exciting but at the same time very interesting to deal with and sort through. Luckily enough, everyone that I've "re-met" has been pretty awesome.....and short. I swear I'm like a fucking giant whenever I hang out with them lol Ah well. If anything the weirdest part was talking to my father after so long, because I mean, what do I say? Well in case you were wondering, the first thing I said was "How've you been" lol.

Back to Red.

I finally got rid of that hunk of electronic shit better known to the masses as the SideKick. In all my days on this mortal coil, I have never come across a more unreliable, poorly made, and inconsistent piece of electronics. From the dropped calls, to the month that my phone couldn't find my pics or contacts, to the battery going from full to the phone dying and shutting off in five minutes, to the fucking thing just randomly resetting continuously until I plugged it into a charger, that thing was designed by Satan, I swear. I mean, its a pretty bad sign when HALF THE FUCKING EMPLOYEES of Danger Co. (the cunts who run the network the sidekick attempts to run on) leaves to go work for Android. Fuck that phone. Fuck it to hell and back. For making the "trying to communicate with other people via phone call and/or text" part of my life a living clusterfuckian hell for 2 years, I sentence the employees of Danger Inc. to staring at Star Jones' ass crack for one hour a day, for the rest of their miserable lives.

I'm hoping this year will be better car-wise. The Datsun needs work, the Beetle is hopefully going to be lightly gone over, and maybe at some point I'll get the WRX tuned. So many projects, so little time. Why the hell do I have to have all the fucking EXPENSIVE hobbies?!

Also, I hate the time between the end of football and the beginning of baseball. "Why's that? There's still NBA games to watch!" you might say, and you are correct. But there lies one problem....

.....College Basketball. Now bear with me here. Or bare with me. Whichever you're more comfortable doing at this point.

Thanks in part to my friend Phlip, I enjoy watching NBA games, almost to the point where it doesn't matter who is playing. Don't get me wrong, I am a Celtics fan, but hell there are alot of fun teams to watch. But NBA games aren't on everyday, are they? No. As much as I love House, Bones, NCIS, and various cartoons, they aren't always good or on. So what's left? ESPN. Now that is ok when they are showing SportsCenter (I love me some Linda Cohn, Sage Steele, and Rachel Nichols), but at night, usually when I get home from work, SC is ending and what comes on for the next bazillion (official estimate) hours? College basketball. I honestly never thought there would be anything less watchable than Cheerleading competitions or hell unranked college football. Its just soooo.....BORING. I can't really put my finger on why, but it is.

Also, thank you Blake Griffin for making the NBA highlight reels that much more awesome this year, your dunks are fucking ASTOUNDING.

So yeah, there you have it. Another one for the internet. Ha you thought I was gonna say "another one for the books" didn't you? Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. And Prostitutes. And Women desperate for money. And Women depicted in rap songs. Although, those last two could be the same in some cases. Weird.

Au Revoir Motherfuckers!

PS. L'omlette Du Fromage. Order one.

A Stranger in My Own Mind, I Feel Disconnected.

I feel.....

.....not like myself lately.

Ever since sunday....something....changed, or broke, or finally snapped. I have no idea.

I feel twitchy. I feel random bouts of rage. I'm randomly clenching my fists for no reason at all.

I find myself dizzy, light headed, and disconnected from reality. What the fuck happened?

Granted....let's be honest, a lot of this is possibly just deep seeded shit that has come to the surface, as you can only suppress so much for so long, but a lot of it, its not normal, its not me.

I....am not....I

And I haven't the slightest clue as to why. I've been getting random pains all over my head, maybe its connected? I don't know, I'm a mechanic, not a doctor Jim!

I know people are going to go with the whole "well maybe you should go to the doctor" or "you need to get some help" bits, but its not that easy.

I'm not making any money. "Help" costs money. If I take time to go get "help", I will miss what little work there is at the shop. Its a vicious cycle. But that is my life.

And let me be fucking CRYSTAL GOD DAMN CUNT FUCKING CLEAR. This is not a plea for help, a dance for attention, or a begging for a handout. I don't want or need ANYONE'S HELP.

I'm just trying to walk myself through my own head to try and figure out the issue here, as there are several.

All I did Sunday was throw up, feel sick, and shiver. I can't even begin to fathom how the fuck that could have caused anything I'm experiencing....shit even the slightest conversation makes me want to rip someone's head off. But then out of nowhere, like yesterday at work around 2ish, I'll be laughing and joking and ecstatic to exist.

Outside of that, I'm coming to find new things are starting to trigger my temper....obviously I will not list them here, as people are fucking cock gobbling pieces of shit and would no sooner try them on purpose to see what happened. Cunts.

Its so.....strange. Like even right now, I have no idea wtf my issue is, but I just feel so.....angry. Like....to the brink of violence. I've never been like that, even at my worst.

Yes, I will admit, things aren't going so great, but....I don't know. I fail to see how that could cause me to not feel like......me.

The echoes in my head aren't like they used to be so to speak. I can't concentrate. I keep zoning out. My chest will randomly tense up and hurt.

Maybe Sunday has nothing to do with it? Were these issues here all along, and I just never experienced them enough to notice or care? Again, I have no idea.

Something has to give eventually I suppose......

Or am I finally just succumbing to everything I've kept from everyone?

Or am I finally crumbling?

Fucked if I know. I have no fucking idea.

And every time I think to myself "Why don't you talk to someone about all this shit?", my mind instantly thinks of each person I would feel comfortable talking to, and then comes up with a list of 1000 reasons why not to tell them .

I know its not good to assume, but I just.....don't feel like I can actually talk to anyone and get the results I need. However, that too is most likely my own damned fault.

I don't know. For the first time in my life....I can honestly say I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on.

So maybe I don't have an answer for everything.....how painfully ironic.