Your Attitude is Welcome Welcome.

Again, ages since I've touched this blog. Whatever.

I've almost come to the point where I would just rather keep everything in my head than post it here and/or my other blog, as I don't seem to trust my friends like I once did. I can't seem to say anything without being made fun of or trolled. Hell I probably won't even actually post this link to Facebook.

Whatever. Moving on.

You ever have someone whom which you held in high regard (possibly too high of a regard?) in a conversation say something that just.....burns? And I don't mean the typical dig or insult, I mean as if you were talking about something very important and that you haven't talked to anyone else about and they drop some sort of bomb on you? Or they try to tell you that what you said was a lie?

A couple months ago, I had that occur. I unfortunately cannot get into detail about it, but one of the final lines from the other party pretty much shattered my heart. I mean, who the fuck are they to question what the fuck my actual intentions were, or what the fuck I actually meant?

It just.....burns. I don't open up that much to too many people (and rightfully so, if my previous experiences with people is anything to go by), so for someone like that to say that they said just pretty much fucking murdered me inside. I'm sure I'll get over it, but fuck it won't be easy.

Again, whatever. Just something echoing in my head for awhile I guess.

The other thing that seems to piss in my Cheerios, is when someone question how much effort you actually put into something.

This also was said a couple months ago, but fuck me it just won't go away.

Let's face it, I'm physically (and mentally) beat up. I'm wearing a wrist brace because of a tear, and have premature arthritis in both wrists. I've already had one knee fixed, my lower back is in a constant state of pain, and more and more frequently my ankle is just......fucked. So when I push myself as hard as I do, even though my body won't really let me, and someone says "oh well he just shows up to have fun, he doesn't really try THAT hard" that just irks the fuck out of me. I should've just said something right there on the spot, but if I recall correctly, we were at a party, and it would've been insanely rude to cause a scene.

I know I'm falling the fuck apart, but shit, the day I "don't try" is the day you can put me in the fucking ground.

I just don't know anymore. Something has got to give, right? My fucking head is beginning to hurt.