The Cake is a Lie, Boobs are Forever!

Hells yeah boobs!

So yesterday found me in great pain and in the hospital trying to figure out why I felt like I have taken a fucking .357 round to the chest.

AND IMAGINE THAT, IT WAS STRESS RELATED!!!

I know, you're reading this going "C'mon Red, you? Stressed? Needing to chill the fuck out? Lies."

Apparantly, my acid reflux and horrid habit of being stressed all the fucking time decided to team up. WITH OUR POWERS COMBINE, YOU'RE GONNA HURT MOTHERFUCKER!

I'm switching to this color for a reason. Hang with me.

So what's with the title? Well the officially named (by me, so its a official) Hot Dr. Brittany was using her stethescope (spelling?) on my back, HER TITS WERE PRETTY MUCH IN MY FACE. As for this color? This is merely a celebration of what color shirt she was wearing, or that I wish was laying on the floor next to my hospital bed. God damn she was fine. Which was a relief considering that I hate needles, and the dude nurse decided to use a fucking 14 gauge needle to put a bloodspout (essentially) in my right arm. He told me he had good veins, but he wasn't Scott Weiland or a heroin dealer....weird. But yeah, Hot doctors make everything better!! Even the super short, barely english speaking, chinese xray chick was cute....until she kept saying every 5 fucking seconds "oh....you so tall!". Yes, Xray Chick, yes I am. NOW PHOTOGRAPH MY INNARDS AND FIGURE MY SHIT OUT! The best part was went the short gnome looking lady came in and said "the needle in your right arm is too big, so the blood cells broke when they came out into the test vial.".....No big deal, just pop the cap off the ol' bloodspout and take more. No. Wait. WTF?! ANOTHER NEEDLE?! This time in my left arm. Thesepeople are sadists. I swear. But hurray for Hot Dr. Brittany and her breasts. Especially in one of my favorite colors, purple. What is the reminder here?

I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES. I strongly dislike hospitals as it is, BUT RELIGIOUS DEITY DAMN PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES. THAT SHIT JUST FEELS WEIRD!

I wonder if hookers/whores/sluts/pornstars hate needles....I mean they're always getting poked,prodded, stuck with objects, and having random items inserted into them anyways....

But I digress. Well right now I digest, as I just finished lunch.

But anyways, fear not as I'm not dead, nor am I going anywhere, I just need to actually get my acid reflux taken care of (I know I know, the nerve of that woman, suggesting that! ROFL), and I need to learn to chill the fuck out. Which is hard. Those of you with the religious deity given pleasure to know me in person (except for Paaaaaaat, he hasn't asked me to hang out :( but you should check out his blog PigBombs) know that I may or may not be (they havent proven it in court yet) a very go go go go person. So chilling out? Meh, not so much in my vernacular.

Back to Red.

I would like to take a moment to welcome back Phlip (what up?!) from his "I'm on a boat!" trip recently. You should check out his escapades, at callmephlip.blogspot.com.

Why all the shoutouts? Why the fuck not? Besides, I wouldn't suggest them if they weren't good shit (Paaaat literally, as he smells horrible), and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.


So Tiger (tiger tiger woods y'all!) decided to be a typical rich dude and bang a bunch of hot chicks, and his wife.

Where is the issue here?!

Before you answer, try and tell me with a straight face that if you were him you wouldn't pull the same shit. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar. Seriously, men of stature such as his (even though he is a golfer, which is latin for gay) are always doing this shit, so why i he such a surprise?

Oh but he's such a nice guy....yeah apparantly they thought so. Or at lest that though his penis and wallet were nice guys.

Multiple bitches and a fuckton of money? That's Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-eat!

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

I love how this shit was all over the news. Starvation and AIDS in Africa? Bitch please, that shit is so played! We need fresh meaningful new! Like Tiger's penile antics! Because we as commonfolk would neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeer do that. Right. Sure.

Whenever a celebrity slips, we are there as a populus mob to hit them with every stone in the vicinity. But, why don't we do that when they make shitty products?

Example: If Nicholas Cage actually lands another movie (and it will suck) we get to light him on fire. Why? Well if he still thinks people want to see his horrid movies, he's slipped up big time in my book.

Next time Grandma Madonna tries to look young and sexy (and not like gap toothed skeletor), we get to dust off the guillotine, and OFF WITH HER HEAD! Besides, I think her two front gapped teeth would make a great mounted beer bottle opener at a bar.

Next time Sarah Palin.....aw fuck it, next time she even breathes, we nuke Alaska with her hog tied (fully clothed, as I can imagine she is not as attractive underneath as everyone had her pegged to be) to a flagpole in the center of the state. Think of all the oil we'd find! That and the fact Alaska actually elected her as something other than town hooker makes me question the sanity of the Alaskan people, and how the snow has effected it.

Religious deity damn it I hate her, she's like a fucking media cockroach, you just can't seem to keep her the fuck away!

Well, I should probably go back to work, so many shitboxes, not enough hours in the day.....oh wait. Work is about as busy as the Cadbury Egg plant in anytime OTHER than easter. (reference? oh yes it is! youtube it under Upright Citizens Brigade. Sheer Genius).

Au Revoir!

BOOBS!

ps. Check out the FujiiSPL blog as well!