If Cybertronians could vote.....

Then we would end up with a much better government in my opinion.

Let's be honest here folks, "real" politicians aren't doing shit unless a company pays them to get it done. We will never ever elect just a normal person from say, the middle class, so why not have some fun and imagine if Prime/Ironhide was actually on the ballot....AND WON!

It would be insane. It would be incredible. It would also be change you can see.

Let's go by each position and see who would slot where shall we? And yes, this post is an excuse to flex my nerd muscles!

President/Commander In Chief: Optimus Prime. Leader of the Autobots, fighting for freedom for eons. So who better than him to defend our freedom, and in all his eons of wisdom, right the damned ship?

Vice President: Ironhide. And I don't mean movie Ironhide, I mean 1984-1989 Ironhide, the red van that took shit from no one. He's old, he's ornery, but he is also reliable, and let's it be known what he thinks while not being afraid to act if needed, but with a good sense of judgement.

Now! Onward to the Cabinet positions shall we?

Secretary of State: So given that this is typically a position deal with foreign affairs, we would want someone with an even keeled personality, who doesn't lash out, and can properly analyze tense situations. For this, I believe Optimus would pick his brother in trailers Ultra Magnus. Time and time again, Magnus was called upon to take lead and quell tense situations, and other than the 1986 movie, he did a great job.

Secretary of the Treasury: Only one bot is a perfect fit for this. Perceptor. As a mathematically programmed Autobot, there is no one better I could see managing the country's money. 

Secretary of Defense: This one is tough, as there are a lot of qualified Autobots. The Dinobots, especially Grimlock, you would think to be perfect. However, given how delicate things are in the world today, their crush first, ask later ways would not bode well. Therefore I believe Optimus would have selected none other than Hound. A military Jeep, a reliable and even keeled soldier, and great at communication. Enough said.

Attorney General: So this one is interesting, because of the different things the AG has to do. One would need a bot who can analyze situations and decide fairly, but also doesn't take any shit from whiners about his decisions. Therefore Optimus would probably pick Arcee (the TF Prime version). She is intelligent, keeps a cool head under duress, and doesn't take shit when it comes to her decisions. Boom.

Secretary of the Interior: Given what this particular position does as far as studying land and whatnot, you would think Perceptor would be perfect, but he was already picked for Treasurer. No no, I believe Optimus would pick Glyph. Even with her Beetle form, she is an avid archeologist, and loves to explore, therefore she would know what's best to do with the land in times of crisis and preservation.

Secretary of Agriculture: This one is tough, as well, Autobots don't really eat human food....However, I believe given how much it involves numbers and distribution, Optimus would choose Wheeljack. As a scientist, he can help develop solutions to agricultural issues such as pesticides and the like, and being good with numbers, will know how to deal with crop shortages.

Secretary of Commerce: Given that this is a position dealing with helping industrial and commercial growth, who better for Optimus to pick than Wreck-Gar? His ability to make the most of very little could help growth buy being able to work what little budget many small businesses have, and would be great for notr making the deficit worse than it is! 

Secretary of Labor: For someone that has to deal with the clusterfuck that are the unions, I believe Optimus would pick Grimlock for this. Its a lot easier to negotiate when you're a robotic T-Rex who takes shit from no person or bot. Just saying.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: This one is a no brainer. Who better than somebot responsible for putting all sorts of injured and damaged Autobots together? Ratchet aaaaalllll day.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Well who better to choose fora position involving homes and development/refurbishing of areas than Grapple? He loves to build, and understands the minute details of it. 

Secretary of Transportation: Well technically since most of the Autobots are cars, any of them would be qualified, but you want one who's passion is actually driving around right? Therefore Optimus would choose Smokescreen (the Tranformers Prime version). He is a bit young and brash at times, but this will gain him experience, and he will definitely want to maintain the roads he so loves to drive on.

Secretary of Energy: Given a cybertonian's need for energon, and the Autobots' having to carefully distribute it during their conflict, they have a great many things to contribute to energy and energy research. Optimus would choose Cosmos. His understanding of how to use energon wisely over long periods of space travel will definitely help us greatly.

Secretary of Education: Who better for this than Skids? As somewhat of a scientist and a bot who loves to learn, he would be perfect for working with the system to better how our kids learn.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: No-brainer here, you'd want someone with lots of war experience, who has seens some stuff and some things man......a bot like Kup, who has more stories than any bot ever, and a great knowledge of what veterans need.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Again, a no-brainer. As a master of enforcement, defense, and recon, Prowl is the obvious choice. His ability as a military strategist also will help greatly if we ever get invaded. 

And there you have it! So remember vote Prime/Ironhide 2012!! Change you can see!!!

WTF BMW, Video Games, and a Funeral.

Neat title eh? Thought of it while taking a dump. Let's move on shall we?

It's no secret that I love cars, and reading about cars. Pretty much every day I take time to read several car related site to keep up with the ever changing automotive industry. Some days, I read something that makes my brain go "WHY THE FUCK IS THAT A THING?!", and over the past few months that has been the case. What might be the cause? We'll dive right into it:

Why in the holy hell is BMW making a FWD (front wheel drive for non gearheads) 1 series?! THEY OWN MINI! You know, the brand they revived solely on a small FRONT WHEEL DRIVE hatchback? Don't get me wrong, I understand Audi has the A1, and Mercedes has the A-Class (which is ugly as all hell) so I can see that BMW would feel the need to tap that market....IF THEY HADN'T BEEN LEADING THAT DAMNED SEGMENT FOR YEARS NOW! One might say "Hey now sir, this will give them another strong entry into the  luxury compact market", and that is true, but!! BUT!!! They are also going to be competing against themselves, which is very dangerous. With all these weird models they are releasing under the Mini brand (including possible plans for a Mini Van. Yes I did not make that up, as bad a pun as it is) I almost think that if the 1 series is successful it will definitely take away sales from Mini, even though the 1 Series is fugly. I really wish auto manufacturers would stop this whole "Make a car for every segment" bullshit. Some companies have no business sticking their noses in some segments.

Moving on.

This part has been ranted on to all holy hell, but I can't help but touch upon it.

Why does every game developer feel the need to put multiplayer in almost EVERY game?
At this rate, the next Final Fantasy will not only be terrible and take 50 years to make, but will have versus deathmatch as well. I get that FPS games with multiplayer make bank, but sheesh when will it end?

Whatever. Like it matters.

Moving further on.

Ever think about your funeral? No I don't mean in an emo sense where you think life is terrible because you were late coming home and your parents fed your dinner to the dog whom they treat better than most people even though it shits everywhere but outside.

I mean like the actual event, where you're in the coffin....or burned to a crisp, and there's people mourning.
Yeah that.

Ok so I understand its a sad event (unless you were a REAL asshole and fucked up big time), but why can't a person want it to be more than a bunch of people grieving at a cemetary, faced with the fact that humans are quite mortal?

Here's how I see mine:

First off, I want a BLACK hearse. Silver hearses are such bullshit. Also, the older the better, and ideally a really old hot rod hearse. Following that, I want whomever shows up to be in their "nice" car. Example? My friend TwistedSymphony would be in his black LS1 Powered 240sx. I hope by this time my wife will have learned stick, so she could drive one of my old Beetles in the line of cars.

Next? The funeral procession heads to OSG Paintball, where a memorial GearsOfWar game is played, and my coffin is placed in the field as something to hide behind. It will get hit with copious amounts of paint, and therefore will look pretty damned cool compared to most coffins.

After that, I'm assuming everyone will want to change, and will do as such. We then (I say we cause technically I'm there, just as roadkill) head to the cemetery for the final procession. At the cemetery, good beer and mixed drinks will be served, and random mixes of my favorite music shall be played.

Finally, as my paint covered coffin is put into the crown, Dio's Holy Diver will play.

Too much? Too little? Feel free to comment.

Highway to the Danger Zone....

Yeah I'm a TopGun fan, wanna fight about it? Lol.

So at what point did it make sense to stick shit all over one's car? I understand I'm uber late to rant on this, but a truck a saw yesterday kinda made my mind go boom on the subject.

The guy had one of those chrome stick on vents....on the rear quarter panel of his truck.

Read that again, let it set in. Yeah, burns doesn't it?

I understand that alot of people want to make our lower class cars look better, and perhaps shine em up a bit....but how about getting it repainted or perhaps getting the rot holes in it fixed?

And at what fucking point doesn't one of the person's say "um...your car looks fucking retarded"? I understand to each their own, but this is one thing that I believe doesn't fall under that. Well that, wings, hood scoops, chrome hubcaps, "Hi Hater" stickers, clear tail lights, Sears chrome wheels, racing stripes on non muscle cars....

......Whoops! Caught myself there. You get the point. I believe that while "to each their own" is a great mantra, and I agree with it....."dude that looks like shit" is better.

So do the world a favor: If your friend does something stupid to his/her car...FUCKING TELL THEM and spare the world another visual atrocity to look at, especially those of us who have long commutes and get stuck seeing it EVERY DAY.

Ps.: Girls: There are other colors than pink to accent your god damned car with. Just saying.

PPs.: Guys: Stop putting exhausts and racing stripes on early 90s cars, and stop using white accents on Teal cars. Just paint the fucking car a different color.

A Respite, One for the Road.

It finally happened. 10 years, 4 dealerships later. I give up.

I am SICK of being treated like nothing more than an animal or an underling. The way most techs are treated at dealerships is fucking SICKENING. Its not even about fixing cars anymore, its all about numbers and kissing ass.

The other day, our arrogant coward of a GM decided he would get in my face (well....given my height and his diminutive stature, my chest lol) to accost me for speaking too loud in an angry tone to my boss.

Now while he had every right to do as such, since customers could hear me, he had to right to be right in my face, nor to try and stare me down as if I am some sort of bitch.

That, plus my boss writing me up for stupid reasons (texting in the shop, not writing up headgaskets ON ONE CAR) just pushed me over the edge. The whole reason for me being in my boss' office? I called in on the last day of the month. Now anyone who works in a commercial business KNOWS the importance of the end of the month: its the last day to get....you guessed it, NUMBERS!

Why did I call out? Oh no reason, just that I COULDN'T GET OUT OF FUCKING BED BECAUSE OF A SPINAL INJURY.

So what does he say? And I quote: "You know Joe, in the 21 years I've had two hemorraged discs in my back, I never called in once. You have no excuse.".

Yep. This is the same motherfucker who relates EVERYTHING to his "20 years of experience" wrenching.

He then proceeded to ask me when I was going to get better, like I was going to clap my hands right then and go POOF MOTHAFUCKAH! IM BACK BITCH!

Oh but that wasn't enough, I agreed that I needed to stop texting in the shop, and that I needed to get my back looked at again, he proceeds to tell me I'm nothing more than a glorified lube tech.

That was it. No more. I have dealt with excrutiating pain for months now, I havent missed a day of work in THREE MONTHS, which is well before I really hurt myself, and even though I'm doing A+ tech level work, he calls me that? Nope, no thanks, NO SALE ASSHOLE.

So I am done. With that place, with this industry. I will sooner go work 1000000 hours in a convenience store, then be miserable and have my hobby ruined any further.

I have no job lined up but I truly and honestly do not care. I am done being walked all over for 14.50 an hour. I am bigger, stronger, and a fuckofalot meaner when I need to be than that coward of a GM and the fuckface of a manager I have, and will not force myself to have to fight the urge to jump over their desk and break their shit spewing jaw.

Its not just me either. They treat everyone except for the golden boy in sales and Arty (the shop foreman who is actually really awesome) like shit. Beth can back me up on that.

I was once a boy who followed his passion, nievely thinking it was an honest industry and was eager to make his way to the top of it. Now I am a man who has been jaded and dragged through the mud by something he once held in such high regard.

No longer. I will go back to having it be a hobby. At least that way its somewhat pure.