I Lit The Match, And Turned Away.

The End Is Near!!


Ah finally, the end of 2009. This year, overall, has sucked the biggest set of balls out of any year preceding it, except for 1997 and 1998 respectively.
So what's so special about this particular blog post as opposed to the typical nonsensical rantings I post here?

ITS MY 10 FAVORITE ALBUMS OF THE YEAR BITCHES!!!!

Let me just say a few things up front (AKA The Disclaimer):

1.All country offerings were immediately disqualified the second they came out, as I despise cousin fuckin' pickup truck music.
2.There were slim fucking pickin's this year my friends, and it isn't looking too good for next year either.
3.Killswitch Engage was a HUGE fucking letdown this year, with their self titled release. It almost seems that because All That Remains screwed the pooch and started to suck with their newest release, that KSE had to follow suit.
4.I think I drove my Bug more this year than last. Just saying.
5.No one has yet to release an album that I listen to more than Misery Signals' 2008 release Controller. I just cannot get over how fucking awesome that album is, seriously. When I got my Subaru back from a friend whom I let borrow it, what was the first thing I did? Popped in Controller and went for a long drive just so I could smother myself with the awesomeness and yell along to every fucking word.
6.Thank you 311 for proving that you still can make a good album. After Evolver and Don't tread on me, I was getting worried.
7. This is MY FUCKING LIST. You don't like it? TOO FUCKING BAD. Feel free to comment, but I reserve the right to ignore you.

Another FYI/sidenote, as far as 311 goes, my favorite album by them is Sound System, from 1999. Every album they release, unfairly enough, is compared to that album. So take what I say about UpLifter with that pound of salt. Thank you.

So let's get on down to The List!!!!!!

10. Arch Enemy: The Root Of All Evil

In my humble and oft-disagreed with opinion, this year in music, especially heavy music, sucked. However, its good to see Arch Enemy back to making good music. As with NFG, their last album was....less than impressive. But enough with the past and on with the present!!! I LOVE Arch Enemy's guitar work, always have, and on this album it fucking SHINES. Not to say Angela Gossow's vocals arent great on every album but people, trust me. The guitars are the reason to listen Arch Enemy. Oh and the drums are good too, but you get the point.
Lyrics: A
Music: A++
Production: A+

9. Breaking Benjamin- Dear Agony

Another solid release from the B.B. boys. Granted this album isn't anything ground breaking, but in a world of 1 album wonders, its a relief that a few artists year after year can still produce good music.
Lyrics: B+
Music: B
Production: A

8. Lady Gaga- Fame Monster (deluxe edition)

Oh Lady Gaga how I enjoy thee. Why? Why!? Because. When you break it down, her music is just fun to listen to. Yes there isn't alot of substance or depth, but sometimes that's ok. Her voice really isn't that bad, and while her lyrics aren't anything to write home about, they work for the music. The music is great. The beats are solid, and all the various sound effects go great with each other. As a closet electronica junkie, the music is really where I get my satisfaction. Granted, her songs are as catchy as herpes, but not as bad to deal with.
Lyrics: B-
Music: A++
Production: A++

7. New Found Glory: Not Without A Fight

HELL YEAH NEW FOUND GLORY!!!!!!
After their last album, I had lost all hope in the NFG guys, but one day my wife showed up to my work with this album after buying it on a whim and I figured why not give it a shot. Well I do not regret it. I went on to buy this CD for myself. Great classic pop punk, pretty much all the typical stuff that made that genre fun to listen to.
Lyrics: A-
Music: A
Production: (it was produced by mark hoppus of Blink 182) A-

6. Royce Da 5'9"- Street Hop

In a day and age of EPIC FUCKING FAIL Hip Hop, Royce Da 5'9" fucking delivers. Hard. His flow is ridiculous, his lyrical skill is epic, and fuck even the beats aren't bad. Its actually kinda sad how unknown this motherfucker is, because his ability is leaps and bound over those idiots you hear via mainstream media these days. He is in my top 5 rappers of all time list for sure.
Lyrics: A+
Music/Beats: A
Production: A

5. SlaughterHouse (self titled)

I know I know, technically Royce has made it TWICE on this list, but let that only be a credit to his ability, nevermind how great his cohorts are on this album. Joe Budden, Cooked I, Royce Da 5'9", and Joell Ortiz are the afore mentioned cohorts in Slaughterhouse. Individually, I've only really listened to Royce, but let me tell you, on this album they all fucking shine brilliantly. All their flows and and lyrical abilities are beyond epic. This album is THE hip hop album of the year, and I believe its the one all these recent jackass mainstream rappers should be compared to.
Lyrics: A+++++
Music/Beats: A+
Production: A+

4. The Lonely Island- Incredibad

What can I possibly say about this album that hasn't been said. It is funny as all fuck. End of story. There are very few "joke" music albums (Tenacious D etc) that are actually funny from start to finish, actually combine good comedy with good music, and this is one of them. The obvious songs to preach are "I'm on a boat" and "Jizz in my pants", but I'll be damned if "Space Olympics" and "DreamGirl" aren't my faves. This album has spent a fuckton of time in my car's cd player, and I still listen to it, which is rare for comedy albums.
Lyrics:A++
Music: A++
Production A- (The production on "Sax Man" is damned near horrible)

3. Chimaira: The Infection

Hells yes. Chimaira is one of my favorite heavier bands, and this album strengthens my love of their music. On every album they are heavy as hell, but on this one they change it up and do it a little more methodically. Let me tell you, this is one of those rare times a band switches up their style and doesn't fuck it up. On their self titled album released a few years ago, there were hints of what was to come, and this new album solidifies it. From start to finish this album kicks your face in and shows no regret. Just how it should be!
Lyrics: A++
Music: A++++
Production: A+

2. 311- Uplifter

HUZZAH, 311 IS GOOD AGAIN! lol.
Remember what I said earlier, I compare everything they release to "Soundsystem". This album stacks up nicely. It isn't better than, but it is almost equal to, Soundsystem. I love the guitar work, and how the whole album just feels good to listen to, which considering the title is a good thing. Otherwise they'd be a bunch of liars. I must be honest, the first time I heard "Hey You", I was skeptical. but again wifey bought it on a whim, and JENGA! I loved it as well. This is another cd that has spent a fuckton of time in my car cd player, and I enjoyed every minute of it. And, much like Soundsystem, it is a great summer cd to listen to with the windows down on a beautiful day. Absolutely a solid album start to finish, and even the softer songs aren't that bad, like "Love Song" was. Fuck I hate that song, the cover and the original.
Lyrics: A
Music: A++
Production: A++

AND NOW FOR THE NUMBER ONE EPIC FAVORITE OF MINE OF 2009!!!!!

And the winner is...........................

THE PRODIGY.



1.The Prodigy- Invaders Must Die.
Jesus unclefucking Christ was this album great. Fuck every other album that came out this year, this was the best. Hands down. But I think you get the point. Liam Howlett and the boys have released a solid piece of music here, and I swear this album got played nonstop by me for at least two months straight. The music is fun, deep, and amazing in general. The beats are solid. The lyrics, albeit few, are to the point and are worth listening to, which is rare on an electronica album. Fuck me there are not enough ways to put into words how fucking great this album is. Get it. You will not regret it.

I'm not counting lyrics here, because....well there aren't that many words in the songs!
Music: A MOTHERFUCKING ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Production: A++++++++++++++++++++++


Thank you Prodigy for not making this year in music a complete fucking waste of my auditory abilities. Thank you thank you thank you.


Now for other stuff.....

Biggest Letdowns!!!

This year was weak for music. In every genre. Let's face it. But the following are albums I had high hopes for:

1. Reel Big Fish: Fame, Fortune, and Fornication.
Good god what a turd. I know its an album of cover songs, but c'mon at least try to make them decent. Bleh.

2. HateBreed (self titled)
It seems that every year, one of my favorite bands is hell bent on dropping a turd on me. This album was a complete letdown. Honestly, and this may be cruel, but seeing as their former guitarist commited suicide (RIP Lou "Boulder" Richards) and Sean Martin quit, you would've thought this would have been heavier and more brutal. But it wasn't. It was merely a fucking whimper compared to their past 3 albums (I do not count "for the lions" as an album, sorry), and it brings me great disappointment. Hell Jamey Jasta even tries to sing on some of the songs. WHAT!? NO! I hope that this will never happen again.

3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It's Blitz!
What an inaptly titled album. They should've named it "Its Boring!". What a fucking snoozefest of a cd, boring and lacking of anything that made me want to listen to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in the first place. The first single "Zero" is not a bad song by any means, but it just goes downhill FAST from there on out. Such a shame.

4. Mastadon: Crack the Skye
Ok first off, I know I am going to catch a shitton of flack for not liking this cd, but whatever. This album was hyped up everywhere I looked, even on Adult Swim. What a letdown. I just do not find it that interesting to listen to, and good god does the singer's voice annoy the piss out of me. I like their older stuff, but this release? DO NOT WANT.

5. Raekwon: Only Built For Cuban Linx II
This is my own fault here. The original OBFCL was a great hip hop album for its time, and I thought Raekwon would be able to duplicate its epicness. I was wrong. It isnt horrible, but that is far from meaning its great. Perhaps I expected too much?

Honorable Mentions!!!

These albums were good, but just not good enough. Plain and simple. I'll keep it short here.

1. Dethklok: Dethalbum II
2. Alice In Chains: Black Gives Way to Blue
3. August Burns Red: Constellations
4. Lamb of God: Wrath
5. Chevelle: SciFi Crimes
6. Rammstein: Liebe Ist Für Alle Da


And that's all folks!!!

PS. Who the fuck keeps letting HEDpe release albums?! MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE.

Bad Romance.

Good evening everyone.

I would like to take a moment and announce that Honey Dew Donuts has the BEST fucking pre-made (cmon we know that shit isn't fresh) hot chocolate ever.

On to business.

Fuck you Rolling Stone magazine. Over the years I have never come across such a failed attempt of a group of people trying to write about music. To say they are biased would be only the tip of the fail iceberg.

I mean seriously, who the fuck actually considers Kurt Cobain a talented singer and guitarist? TWO OF HIS FUCKING SONGS WERE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME SET OF FUCKING RIFFS! Nevermind the fact that he didn't actually sing, so much as whine his way through songs. Yet somehow, some fucking way, he made it on both of Failing Stone's top 100 singers list, and top 100 guitarists list within the top 30....HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE?! Hell nevermind that, how is it Janis fucking Joplin is on the list of singer, ms. i sound like a bitch with a sore throat vomiting into a mic herself, make it on the singer list.....but yet Brad Delp from Boston, who WAS KNOWN FOR HIS ACTUAL SINGING ABILITY didn't?! Nevermind even that, how'd she make it higher on the list than Steve Perry from Journey?

I love how Rolling Stone will be all about a trend or a band, and then as soon as it/they become unpopular, they start the bash wagon up. Example? I remember them talking positively about Mudvayne when they first arrived on the music scene a few years back, but in this month's issue about the top albums/artists from the first 2000s decade, (I swear they have worse lists than VH1) they're referring to them and Limp Bizkit as baggy jean wearing dipshits....

HUH?!

Holy hypocrisy Batman.

Moving on, as I'm trying not to give myself a heart attack over this shit.....

Fuck its cold outside (11deg F to be exact) but you know what? It doesn't bother me. Yep I said it. It's just come to a point of after living in New England for 25 years, I've just come to expect it. And besides, if it's this cold, it won't snow. HA!

Christmas is next week. Thank (religious deity). I'm even more broke than usual, trying to get the Nissan Situation situated, and trying to get people gifts. And yes, I am that person who actually feels bad for not getting people gifts. I don't know when I developed that problem, but yeah.

I just saw a commercial for Mariah Crazy As Fuck Carey's perfume line. I was stunned to say the least, mostly because it wasn't described as "Scents From the Looney Bin".

Hmmm.....

Anyone ever notice that after christmas and new years (I prefer new years btw, much better parties), the next decent holiday isn't until March (St. Patty's Day!)? Don't even try to bring that "Oh what about valentine's day" bullshit in here. Valentine's day, much like Columbus day isn't a real fucking holiday. If anything its another shot for Hallmark and other card vendors to stay in the financial black.

And why the fuck does columbus have a holiday?! "He discovered America!"... WRONG. 1. HE LANDED ON PUERTO RICO. 2.How did he discover something that was already here, and already had people living within its coasts?!
Yes, he proved the world wasn't flat. Goody gumdrops. Dr. Gattling proved you could put a fuckton of bullets into the air at person via the gattling gun, but he doesn't have a holiday does he?!

Whatever.

So as we know, I'm all for leaving Tiger (tiger tiger) Woods (y'all) alone. However, I am wondering when that idiot who did the Leave Britney Alone video is going to pop up for another shot at 15sec of fame with a "Leave Tiger Alone" video.

Extra points if he wears a tiger suit.

And a quick shout out/big ups to the following:

Phlip, for his section on why Tiger Woods should be left alone.
Kobe Bryant, because even though I am not a Lakers fan, his buzzer beater was epic, and lets be realistic, the motherfucker can BALL.
The Boston Red Sox, for picking up John Lackey.

Now to get serious for a minute.

Today 26 year old Chris Henry, wide reciever for the Cin. Bengals, lost his life.

I ask that after reading this blog you have a moment of silence out of respect to his family and comrades on his team.

Thank you.

The Cake is a Lie, Boobs are Forever!

Hells yeah boobs!

So yesterday found me in great pain and in the hospital trying to figure out why I felt like I have taken a fucking .357 round to the chest.

AND IMAGINE THAT, IT WAS STRESS RELATED!!!

I know, you're reading this going "C'mon Red, you? Stressed? Needing to chill the fuck out? Lies."

Apparantly, my acid reflux and horrid habit of being stressed all the fucking time decided to team up. WITH OUR POWERS COMBINE, YOU'RE GONNA HURT MOTHERFUCKER!

I'm switching to this color for a reason. Hang with me.

So what's with the title? Well the officially named (by me, so its a official) Hot Dr. Brittany was using her stethescope (spelling?) on my back, HER TITS WERE PRETTY MUCH IN MY FACE. As for this color? This is merely a celebration of what color shirt she was wearing, or that I wish was laying on the floor next to my hospital bed. God damn she was fine. Which was a relief considering that I hate needles, and the dude nurse decided to use a fucking 14 gauge needle to put a bloodspout (essentially) in my right arm. He told me he had good veins, but he wasn't Scott Weiland or a heroin dealer....weird. But yeah, Hot doctors make everything better!! Even the super short, barely english speaking, chinese xray chick was cute....until she kept saying every 5 fucking seconds "oh....you so tall!". Yes, Xray Chick, yes I am. NOW PHOTOGRAPH MY INNARDS AND FIGURE MY SHIT OUT! The best part was went the short gnome looking lady came in and said "the needle in your right arm is too big, so the blood cells broke when they came out into the test vial.".....No big deal, just pop the cap off the ol' bloodspout and take more. No. Wait. WTF?! ANOTHER NEEDLE?! This time in my left arm. Thesepeople are sadists. I swear. But hurray for Hot Dr. Brittany and her breasts. Especially in one of my favorite colors, purple. What is the reminder here?

I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES. I strongly dislike hospitals as it is, BUT RELIGIOUS DEITY DAMN PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES. THAT SHIT JUST FEELS WEIRD!

I wonder if hookers/whores/sluts/pornstars hate needles....I mean they're always getting poked,prodded, stuck with objects, and having random items inserted into them anyways....

But I digress. Well right now I digest, as I just finished lunch.

But anyways, fear not as I'm not dead, nor am I going anywhere, I just need to actually get my acid reflux taken care of (I know I know, the nerve of that woman, suggesting that! ROFL), and I need to learn to chill the fuck out. Which is hard. Those of you with the religious deity given pleasure to know me in person (except for Paaaaaaat, he hasn't asked me to hang out :( but you should check out his blog PigBombs) know that I may or may not be (they havent proven it in court yet) a very go go go go person. So chilling out? Meh, not so much in my vernacular.

Back to Red.

I would like to take a moment to welcome back Phlip (what up?!) from his "I'm on a boat!" trip recently. You should check out his escapades, at callmephlip.blogspot.com.

Why all the shoutouts? Why the fuck not? Besides, I wouldn't suggest them if they weren't good shit (Paaaat literally, as he smells horrible), and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.


So Tiger (tiger tiger woods y'all!) decided to be a typical rich dude and bang a bunch of hot chicks, and his wife.

Where is the issue here?!

Before you answer, try and tell me with a straight face that if you were him you wouldn't pull the same shit. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar. Seriously, men of stature such as his (even though he is a golfer, which is latin for gay) are always doing this shit, so why i he such a surprise?

Oh but he's such a nice guy....yeah apparantly they thought so. Or at lest that though his penis and wallet were nice guys.

Multiple bitches and a fuckton of money? That's Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-eat!

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

I love how this shit was all over the news. Starvation and AIDS in Africa? Bitch please, that shit is so played! We need fresh meaningful new! Like Tiger's penile antics! Because we as commonfolk would neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeer do that. Right. Sure.

Whenever a celebrity slips, we are there as a populus mob to hit them with every stone in the vicinity. But, why don't we do that when they make shitty products?

Example: If Nicholas Cage actually lands another movie (and it will suck) we get to light him on fire. Why? Well if he still thinks people want to see his horrid movies, he's slipped up big time in my book.

Next time Grandma Madonna tries to look young and sexy (and not like gap toothed skeletor), we get to dust off the guillotine, and OFF WITH HER HEAD! Besides, I think her two front gapped teeth would make a great mounted beer bottle opener at a bar.

Next time Sarah Palin.....aw fuck it, next time she even breathes, we nuke Alaska with her hog tied (fully clothed, as I can imagine she is not as attractive underneath as everyone had her pegged to be) to a flagpole in the center of the state. Think of all the oil we'd find! That and the fact Alaska actually elected her as something other than town hooker makes me question the sanity of the Alaskan people, and how the snow has effected it.

Religious deity damn it I hate her, she's like a fucking media cockroach, you just can't seem to keep her the fuck away!

Well, I should probably go back to work, so many shitboxes, not enough hours in the day.....oh wait. Work is about as busy as the Cadbury Egg plant in anytime OTHER than easter. (reference? oh yes it is! youtube it under Upright Citizens Brigade. Sheer Genius).

Au Revoir!

BOOBS!

ps. Check out the FujiiSPL blog as well!

up up down down left left right right A B A B Start Select.

Sarah palin is about as "rogue" as the turd I just left in the toilet.
How the fuck is she any different than any other politican? She's maybe
a little dumber and more psychotic (save for dick cheney) then the rest,
but whether they call themselves left, right, up, down, or A, or B (get
it? Lol) they are still a politician which makes them full of fail.

She amazes me. Well more specifically, how she still finds ways to get
people's attention (when we aren't laughing at her retarded "I regret
having sex because im a fucking moron and got knocked up" daughter) is
beyond comprehension. At least McCain wasn't a total shithead. I mean
seriously, I ALMOST voted for him, but the thought of having the bible
humping rogue wannabe psycho in the white house as well scared me a
bit.

Not that I don't regret voting for obama. I love how people were
slobbering all over his nuts like he was the end all be all answer to
our cries of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO?!'. The picture that shows
him pointing and says "everyone chill the fuck out, I got this" makes me
giggle.  You don't "got" this mr. President, nobody does. Even Mccain
would've been fucked too. We were essentially voting for the best person
to fuck things up a little less than the rodeo clown we just had 8 years
of.

God I hate politics.

And it hates me too.

737 For Your Thoughts?

I typed this entry up on the flight home from Las Vegas last night.....

Taking a shit in an airplane bathroom is like trying shit in a cabinet.
Especially if you actually have fat or muscle mass and are over 4 foot
fucking 1. Seriously, im 6'3, 242lbs and almost had to coat the door
opening with ky just to get in the bathroom, nevermind the following
awkwardness that was me trying to turn around to put my bare ass on the
toilet seat without knocking shit over.

Yes, I sit bare ass on public toilets. You may try to hover, or even try
to hold it till you get home, and that's because you're a fucking pussy.
Our ancestors have survived CENTURIES without hovering over toilets,
so....why should we hover? Hell when I eat (and lord knows I eat a
fuckton) I celebrate when I have to shit, because that means I am
officially done with what I've eaten, not "oh im a walking vagina, I
need to go home and shit because of gerrrrrmmmmzzzzzzz". Fuck you and
fuck germs. Hell yeah I touch door handles, barehanded even! Germaphobes
are just like vegetarians. A waste of dna and further proof that people
are becoming more and more pussified. Am I not afraid of anything? Oh
no, I never said that. I am near deathly afraid of heights. But being
afraid of the distance from the top of the eiffel tower and the fucking
ground (as you tend to go SPLAT if you fall) is a little more legit of a
fear than being afraid of shit you're ancestors dealt with and survived
without 90% of the shit doctors have today.

And there goes the hot air waitress. No not stewardess/flight attendants.

Stewardesess/flight attendants should be called waitresses, there's no fucking difference
except 1.they're on a fucking airplane, and 2. If you sit near the back
of the plane with out headphones, you have to listen to them bitch about
how fat they are or, and I quote, "I get sick because of the junk I eat,
im more prone to sickness because of it". Yeah right. So that plate of
fries I ate last night is going to make me more prone to aids?? I think
the fuck not. The only thing eating shitty foods all the time will cause
is for you to get fatter and more annoying.

I am never sitting at the back of a plane again. The 2 mid forties aged
airborne waitresses are slowly making me dumber. Between "oh im getting
botox here and here, but im waiting until my face gets thinner" and my
favorite "let me list the 10000 vaccinations im getting out of fear".

Crap. They just offered my new wife and I a free drink as a wedding
present...that doesn't mean I still wouldn't rather sit in the fucking 2
inches of bathroom to get away from their conversation which I am sure
they will resume once seated again. Bollocks.

Oh and the brash looking 17 year old tool in front of me...TURN YOUR
FUCKING IPOD DOWN. My wife and I, even though we are reading and CHOSE
not to listen to our music, do not want to listen to your shitty mix. If
it were better songs, then maybe.

Crap the waitresses of the plane (again I refuse to call them
stewardesses/flight attendants), were nice and congratulated us...bah I still would rather
sit on the flight controls and risk farting so hard that the plane nose
dives and kills us all, because I know with great satisfaction (thanks
benny benassi) it would silence the air waitress wenches.

Yes this was typed/written on the plane mid flight. I had to, to retain
the shreds of my self restraint.

Hmmm maybe ill go shoehorn myself in the bathroom and shit again.

Nope nevermind, my alcohol just arrived, so its time to indulge. I got a
screwdriver and She got baileys and coffee. I love vodka, she loves
everything else, it just works so well!

Well, laters.

Ps. I need to stop travelling to places that remind me that the
NorthEast SUCKS so bad.

Pps. Dear fat older chick with the broken arm, you are making me fucking
regret every second I sit in this aisle seat because you seem to feel
the need to lose your balance and bump into me. I can't imagine where
you got the broken arm....maybe you lost your balance and your arm said
"captain I don't have the power to hold this hippo of a woman up" and
proceeded to snap. Damn lady, even your appendages think your fat!

Ppps. Great, two fat dudes just made a dash for the bathroom. If I
didn't actually fit in there, how the fuck will they? Crap nevermind,
one is hovering over my shoulder watching me type this, ah well fuck him
I have vodka in my veins and do not care. Oh and "all the small things"
just came on AGAIN on the 17 yr olds' loud ass earphones...is it his
theme song or something? I hope not lol...

.....and I just finished reading "Why We Suck" by Denis Leary.
Absolutely amazing book, I felt as if its what I would write in a book
if I were given the chance.

The End.

Yeah, now I'm home.

In The Air Tonight.

So here I sit, on the most uncomfortable couch in the fucking world, trying to think of things to put on this page. I'm tired, beyond hungry, and forgot EVERYTHING I had wanted to put here.

So here's what I've got.


1.T-Mobile. FUCK YOU. I understand it was 99% microsoft's fault (and fuck, what isn't these days?) that my sidekick has been fucked up, but the fact of how little compensation you have offered in return for my headache ridden yet continued loyal service is insulting to say the least.

2.I do not consider golf a sport. Is it easy to do? No. But I fail to see how it is a sport. There are no other players physically stopping you from getting the ball in the hole, and hell, you could walk down to the green and drop the ball right in if you felt like it! Someone just created a "sport" for the sake of doing something the fucking hard way.
This subject is not open for debate.

3.Religion. I'm only touching this briefly and wearing bio-hazard gloves, because it is always a testy fucking subject. I REFUSE to talk about religion anymore. It is pointless, and always ends with me thinking "why the fuck do I bother?". I don't try to argue with people over it, hell i used to love to talk about it, but now the joy in even tickling the idea of talking about it is ruined. People are such closed minded buffoons, that life and see life with the blinders on, to the point where if you even QUESTION the possibility of a deity, you're and idiot and should be shot. Are all faithy (yep I just invented a word) like that? Absolutely not!!! I am not trying to lump everyone into one barrel here, but the majority is, and as it goes, the majority has ruined it for me and others. Sorry.

4.Bananas. Is it just me or do they seem to compliment almost every other food?! Peanut butter? AWESOME. Peanut butter and bananas? HOLY SHIT, FOODGASM. Chocolate? Great (unless you're allergic)!! Chocolate and bananas? BANANASPLOSION!!! See what I'm getting at here? I mean short of meats and cheeses, there are very few things bananas do not seem to make awesome.

5.People, for the love of (insert deity here), stop bringing your cars to mechanics. Including me. Why? Because you're just going to tell us we are fucking wrong, or that it's impossible, or that it is too expensive. Sorry to break this to you folks so late in the game but, and listen real fucking close....MOST (not all mind you) OF THE TIME, ITS YOUR OWN STUPIDITY AND LACK OF MAINTENANCE THAT BROKE THE FUCKING CAR. Funny thing, how not changing your oil for 30,000 miles can cause an engine to fucking fail due to lack of proper lubrication, isn't it? Yes, then you bring your car to the dealer, and expect it for free, and then blow your top when it isn't covered under warranty due to abuse. Well of course its our fault you're fucking ignorant, how rude of us not realize that. My humblest apologies.

6. Fat People. Just real quick, stop bitching that your seats break, or your car pulls to the left, or the seat squeaks when you sit down. Guess what? Its your 300lb ass (literally lol) that is causing it to happen. Yes there are people large enough out there to cause a car to pull to the left while driving, I swear on my life I've seen it.

7. Hip hop artists. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Your music is getting worse and more unoriginal every year. Seriously. The auto-tune phase was cute, but get over it and get back to basics, like oh I don't know.....decent lyric writing? There's so much bullshit going on these days and all you can seem to continually write about is (in no specific order) women, cars, and money? Please. Lock yourself in a room, and listen to NWA and Public Enemy, and don't come out until you have something legit to say.

8. The music industry. Fuck you, you are continually ruining all the music I love by cloning it if it is even remotely successfull.

9. Kanye West and JayZ. SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. Hova, your new music is barely about mediocre, even by today's low as dogshit standards. Kanye, stop. Just...stop.

10. Even numbers. I'm very OCD about them, which is why this post is ending on number 10, and why I'm getting married on 11/2/09. 11+2+9= 22. Yeah, I suck with math, but I have an even number obsession. I'm weird.

Well I'm going to drown in a vat of egg nog now (the hood brand, all that other shit is horrid).

GoodNight!

Misery Signals.

25.
1/4 Century.

As of 10pm tonight, I will be officially be 25 years old. Technically, one quarter of my lifespan is over, and I move further into adulthood.

I have seen and experienced many things up to this point, both good and bad, and at sometimes great and horrible. Love, rejection, death, accomplishment, failure have all fallen within the lines of my existence.

I realize I've always done things the hard way, and I think for the first time its starting to pay off in multiple areas of my life. It's not perfect logic, but for some reason, I find it to be the best way for me to go about things.

I've made my share of mistakes, and while there are some regrets along the lines, I can honestly say I've come out of them ok. Thanks to my friends, music, and family, I think I'll make it through the next 25 years.

Run To The Hills

I had to .....HAD TO buy this album, they released it in 2006, and it is fucking awesome!



its good to know that after all these years, dickinson and the boys still have it!

Yes, they sound just as they did back in the day, which is not a bad thing by any means. Too many bands I think get too caught up in trying to change with the times just to stay viable, when in reality, if you look at bands like AC/DC, you can have a career without changing too much.

Another issue I see in music, is bands' second albums being horrible. Yes, alot of times their first album is probably just way too amazing to top with another release (A La Boston's first Album), but I think most of it is alot of pressure to try and ante up and make the people say yeaaaaaah a second time.

Ah well.

Yes this one is short, whatever.

-RedEvil

I Went Down Down Down in a Burning Ring of Fire....

Yesterday was a bit of a driving day, as I traveled in my Beetle most of the day.

During these travels, I got to thinking.....

......Man we are gonna get laughed at.

What do I mean?

Well.....

Think about it. When they put the first decades of the 2000s (2000 to 2010 for the morons) into the history books for future generations, what are going to be the major events they see?

-The first African American President was elected (ok that one is a good one!)
-GM and Chrysler falling the fuck on their faces into Chapter 11..
-A horrid recession
-The bullshit "war" in Iraq
-9/11
-That idiot Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich
-George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

.......and if my memory was in better shape the list would go on. Feel free to add more in the comments!!!

But yea, hopefully the next couple decades or so go better, otherwise my kids/grand kids will be like "Wow grandpa RedEvil, you guys were fucked for awhile huh? Thanks for fucking us big time with the repercussions!" lol

Think about it, alot of this shit going on today our kids and grandkids are going to have to foot the bill for.....

.....Now i'm definitely not leaving my cars to them because they'll have to sell them to pay off our debt to China.

Come to think of it, does anyone else find it humorous that we are in debt to a country that makes knockoffs of all our products??

Till Next Time Folks...

-RedEvil

Ok I'm a bit late on this one....

Alright so I know it's been a bit since the abortion known as American Idol has ended, but I feel the need to comment on it.

Why? I am sick of listening to people continue to bitch about the outcome.

GUESS WHAT, YOUR VOTE DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT.

How so?

Well yes, you do vote, and they do tally it up, but really, does it matter who wins? Most of the winners don't actually go on to do anything.....so what's the point?

First off, most of the people who come across that stage....suck. And the ones that do sound good sound like every other pop motherfucker we have on the radio now....so why do we need more?

Let's go over a few contestants here.....

Kelly Clarkson is actually talented. Yes I said it. I would also destroy her in bed, but that has to do more with her "other" oral talents.....

Daughtry? Didn't even win it. Bah. He's only still listened to because he sounds like the result of a drunken night of sex between Nickelback and Creed, and no one will admit to the baby.

Jordin Sparks? Medocre at best. Although I liked her for that song "No Air" with Chris Brown, because after the whole Chris beating up Rhianna thing came out, that shit had new hilarious meaning.

I'm not condoning what he did, but that song just became insanely ironic given the circumstances.

Carrie Underwood. Ok you and I both know that the Before He Cheats song was actually pretty good. Other than that....eh she makes a good sketchers model and that's about it.

Taylor Hicks. Ok all you motherfuckers knew he wouldn't be shit after AI. I mean cmon, there is NOTHING about him that is marketable to anyone other than people who still buy Buicks.

Now some of you are probably going "But RedEvil, if you hate AI so much, how do you know all the names?"....RESEARCH BITCHES.

I figure since everyone is bitching about it still, and I'm going to ramble pointlessly about it, I might as well have my poop in a group.

Also, the last dude to win it hasn't done SHIT since the show, and his album tanked when it came out. KTHXBAI.

Summary?

IT doesn't matter who wins, because 90% will fall back into mediocrity with the rest of us. Except Clay Aiken. But that's because everyone knew he was gay except for him.


See you next time folks....

-RedEvil

Torch the Fields, and Pray for Rain

Ah when it rains it pours doesn't it?

I find it rather amusing when people think that they are somewhat better than everyone else because they have a college degree. I mean don't get me wrong, props to them for doing the "right thing" and going through the rigors of college (and the parties of college life), but I fail to see how that can make someone better than someone else.

Example?

I'm a mechanic by trade, and while I dropped out of college whilst pursuing my degree in english, I don't see myself as any less of a user of the english language, and nor do I see myself as great for being a mechanic....

....so it fucking grinds my gears (yes that's a family guy reference) when I diagnose a car's problems, and the owner of the vehicle says, "well my son went to (insert auto school here), and he says that there is no way that can be the problem.

Oh? Then why the fuck isn't he working on it?

And then comes the obvious "well I'm sure when you went to school to fix cars you mast have learned the right way and wrong way to diagnose these things"....

I love the look on their stuck up faces when I calmly say "I studied english in college, and only became a mechanic because I'm too broke to pay someone else to fix my cars".

I dunno, maybe I'm nitpicking here, but if you bring your car to me to be fixed, do you or don't you want me to fix it? Or did you just bring it here so me and your son can compare notes and talk cars?

The best is when they ask me to look at the car, tell me I'm wrong, and then they come back a week later saying their son found that the issue was what I said it was in the first place, and that he doesn't even have the right tools to fix the issue (for things such as rear wheel bearings).

I mean I don't go into ice cream places asking for a sundae, and then tell them they're doing it wrong because my brother (100% serious here) graduated from a culinary college and that's not the way he would make it, now do I?????

Although, the only people I think we need to tell they're doing it wrong are the politicians. But we all knew that ;)

Till next time folks!

-RedEvil

ps. I've been at work from 7am and I'll be here until 7pm. I'm so bored that not only am I updating this, but I've been hiding in the back seat of cars that on of the other techs have been working on and jumping out at them when they get in the front seat. Yeah, I'm an ass like that, BUT IT'S SO FUN!!!


LET'S PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!!!!

RIP Heath Ledger :(

Cartoons, Nostalgia, Maturity, and How they keep me from killing you.

Ok I'm joking about the kiling part. Relax.

Anyways.

I went and saw UP! today in 3d with my fiancee. EPIC MOVIE.

Out of all the movies that are out, UP is probably the only one with a decent plot, decent jokes, and that takes you across the whole range of emotions, from sadness to happiness.

Which brings me to the title.

I catch shit from people all the fucking time because I am turning 24 in a few months, and I am still enamoured with animated features, and even TV cartoons.

Why? Simple.

As a dealership mechanic, all day I deal with the general populace, and there is frusteration in that to no end on some days. So why, oh dear god why, would I want to come home and deal with watching people on TV for entertainment? Cartoons are one of the oldest "modern" sources of humor and joy, and after a frustrating day of dealing with real live people, why wouldn't you want to see an anvil dropped on a coyote or a cat trying to learn how to cook?

Besides, TV today is all dramas, reality tv, and crime dramas. Oh sure, there are some comedies, but c'mon....are they really funny? I didn't think so.

Yes I do watch some other TV, as Bones and House are GREAT shows with great plots and characters. But let's be honest, sometimes you just want to kick back and laugh at stupid things, and a coyote chasing around a roadrunner or a rabbit tricking a hunter just does the trick. Right?

Nostalgia. Another reason I watch cartoons.

I am a Transformers nerd. I admit it. Anyone who knows me on a personal level know this.

Why? Because, to be honest, I had a bit of a shitty childhood due to my mother's second husband, and other than music, transformers was my escape. I admired the principles behind Optimus Prime's beliefs, and hoped one day I would grow to be as strong as him, even though he was a fictitional character, he represented everything I wanted to be....short of a transforming cyborg lol

So why do I still watch the 4 seasons of the original Transformers series? Because it helps me reminisce about the struggles I've been through, and it helps me reflect on alot of things from my youth that have made me who I am.

Granted that show is definitely not the part of my youth that made me a potty mouthed wise ass ;)

Also, anyone who calls anyone immature for playing video games and watching cartoons needs to step the fuck back and look at themselves, because I'm sure there are things they do that are childish to help them escape the everyday turmoil that can cause oh so much stress in life.

Thank you to everyone who reads this, and stay tuned because I AM BACK!!!!!

-RedEvil

Under pressure.

SINUSES SUCK. The whole right side of my face is in a shitton of pain because of them.

Dear people who live in New England:

You have absolutely NO excuse as to why you can't try in the snow. Quit being scared. I'm not asking you to speed, but fuck, at least go 50 on the damned highway.

Except for you truck and 4WD/AWD car owners. Quit trying to blow by everyone like you're hot shit, because we all know you're the fuckface who ends up being pulled out of the median or the center ditch in the middle of the highway. Your drivetrain configuration does NOT make you invincible.

Love Always,

RedEvil.

Fly The Banner Blue and Gold

Quick Update, as I have forgotten what I wanted to put here.

Things I hate About Newer Cars:

1. The fucking seatbelt chime.
2.Too many driver's aids.
3.New car owners
4.Too much computer controlled bullshit.
5.The whole PZEV garbage
6.Emissions
7.New car owners. (yes I know it's on the list twice)